SPIRIT-WARRIOR
WAY - CIRCLE OF LIFE MEDICINE WAY
2006 and Earlier Archived Daily Affirmations and Editorials
The whole idea around the RECOVERY Process is to UN cover not RE cover problems with other behaviors or issues. To recover what was put away, hidden, lost or put down as a child... or youngster. Whether you are man or woman, male or female or of two spirits or one... you have the right to be free!
Recovery is about reclaiming your true self and having people support this process, whole heartedly.
May you find this information shared here as helpful and may you gather momentum as you travel this journey home.
GrandFathers, GrandMothers, Great Spirit... Wakan Tanka,
Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin.
This site is humbly dedicated to a wonderful human being - you!
Here are Writings for 2006 click on top to Go Back.
Take the Pipe and your good intentions, yet know the traditional sacred way of your tribe. When doing ceremony, you are
responsible
to open and close the Universe in the proper way... The way you were originally instructed.
That was handed down by true medicine people. Do not mix with other ways.
Take the Sacred Teachings
to all places, where YOU are... where you (must) can honestly and safely share with
those who will uphold the gifts the Creator has given to us - the people.
Cannupa is a gift to help us, hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. Some have walked this new path and have broken new ground... marked it for you... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. Be blessed this day.
Let no one lead you astray... for you are responsible to gat back. Be strong Brothers and Sisters.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
He ce tu welo - so it is. For all the medicine of love and gratitude, I am blessed.
ONCE AGAIN!
I saw a warrior who said to me this... You have come from such hardship and pain Akicita Wakan Mani. I see you as a leader and a positive role model even after all the suffering you have had in your life. I call you brother. He went on to say that he was told that the greatest of warriors came from those places where they today have to "fight" for others to be free. They have that special experience of the hard times that makes them so good at what they do. He said he loved me and I felt honored and loved.
I thought only for a moment of what I had seen in this man in the short time I had known him. I saw so much! I realized so much as I shared to him... I said that a long time ago that we did not know in our families such loss, such violation and such degradation... such unloving brutal behaviors... as some of us have come out of these days. We were raised by love and nurturing... with strength of good parents and leaders... free and encouraged to be part of the people... with deep sacred connection evident all the time. We were groomed to just be human beings free to choose our place in the tribe and we took our place out of love for the people... not from fear that if we did do something that chaos or even death would reign. Warriors we of love and sense and vision. Warriors were born into the tribe and were not forced through dysfunction to become hyper-vigilant or distorted in power or intention. Warriors are a blessing and were blessed as all others were... born Wakan and nurtured to greatness... so naturally... so gently... yet so strong.
The greatest of warriors were born of love. LIKE YOU John! Those of us who have had to live through extreme hardship, trauma, and pain so young were blessed for sure... Yet the greatest of our leaders have already been here... they were born long ago and they were born of love and nurturing of all the people and Wakan Tanka.
I thank you for sharing your Scared Fire with me Brother Spirit-Warrior
"Take the Pipe and your good intentions, yet know the traditional sacred way of your tribe. When doing ceremony, you are responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Take the Sacred Teachings to all places, where YOU are the can honestly and safely share with the one who will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. Some have walked this new path and have broken new ground... marked it for you... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. Let no one lead you astray... for you are responsible to get back.
Be blessed this day.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
He ce tu welo - so it is. For all the medicine of love and gratitude, I am blessed.
ONCE AGAIN!
A warrior is a one who has been groomed and trained to be readily available to stand for the people against attacks of any kind. A warrior is able to support and sustain people in living and remaining free of injustice and imbalance. A warrior is committed to peace with integrity and dignity... and has vowed to keep all people safe and protected... even from himself. A warrior is honest and kind and compassionate with the good of all human kind as the goal. A warrior takes care of the relationship with living life healthy first... seeking strength from Wakan Tanka first... acknowledging the life force within and honoring this every morning or every night or even on the very last moment of the breath of that day. There is so much more that a warrior is... Say more please.
I saw a warrior who said to me this... You have come from such hardship and pain Akicita Wakan Mani. I see you as a leader and a positive role model even after all the suffering you have had in your life. I call you brother. He went on to say that he was told that the greatest of warriors came from those places, where they had to "fight" for themselves to be free, including others. They have had that special experience of the hard times that makes them so good at what they do. This man said he loved me and I felt honored and truly loved.
I thought only for a moment of what I had seen in this man in this short time I had known him. I saw so much! I realized so much right then as I shared to him... I said that a long time ago that we did not know in our families... such loss, such violation and such degradation... such unloving brutal behaviors... as some of us have come right out of these days. We were raised by love and nurturing... with strength of good parents and leaders... free and encouraged to be part of the people... with deep sacred connection that was evident all the time. We were groomed, just be human beings, free to choose our place in the tribe and then we took our place out of love for the people... not from fear that if we did not do something to "interfere" or deter... that chaos or even death would reign. Warriors we "made" of love and sense and vision. Warriors were born into the tribe and were not forced into abandoned roles through dysfunction to become hyper-vigilant or distorted "spirit-killers" in power or intention. Warriors are a blessing and were blessed as all others were... born Wakan and nurtured to greatness... so naturally... so gently... yet so strong.
The greatest of warriors were born of love. LIKE YOU John! Those of us who have had to live through extreme hardship, trauma, and pain so young were blessed for sure... Yet the greatest of our leaders have already been here... they were born long ago and they were born of love and nurturing of all the people and Wakan Tanka.
I thank you for sharing the true way of the Scared Fire with me Brother Spirit-Warrior. I love you too John and Joanie.
"Take the Pipe and your good intentions, yet know the traditional sacred way of your tribe. When doing ceremony, you are responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Take the Sacred Teachings to all places, where YOU are the can honestly and safely share with the one who will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. Some have walked this new path and have broken new ground... marked it for you... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. Let no one lead you astray... for you are responsible to get back.
Be blessed this day.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
He ce tu welo - so it is. For all the medicine of love and gratitude, I am blessed.
ONCE AGAIN!
FORT THUNDERBIRD INDIAN AGENTS ARE FIGHTING! Yes there is life in the Fort at Higgins and Main Street... the present "occupants" are about to be evicted. Seems they haven't been doing what they first intended to do - take care of the spiritual needs of the people (Indians) of Winnipeg. I believe that it was intended to provide spiritual services to all the "Indians" of Winnipeg... even the poor, the drunk, the drug users, the abusers, the homeless, the mentally and emotionally challenged or disrupted ones, the angry, the sad, the depressed and on and on... oh yea even the employed and "political"... with the emphasis being humanity. Like in the olden days. I prayed for these people... for over 113 days today I prayed for these people to get off their "high and mighty" asses and do something real for the people... not just for their relationships with their funders or financiers or political buddies.
I am embarrassed by the ignorance of these bungees - those hang around the Fort Indians - who just seem to just hang onto sick old ways of serving themselves into jobs that most are hardly qualified for... they need to stick together or most would lose their gravy train jobs!
I pray that they do not let this place be turned into a tourist attraction and let that exploitive couple keep using our poor desolate people to make money for them by dancing for the Wasicu. These two are waiting to make more money on the backs of the people...
This is why I say that if you truly walk the talk of the Cannupa - the sacred pipe and the Sundance, then step up and don't wait until someone comes and offers you funding to play "Indian" for them or others... step up and out and together we can help heal the people.
I don't know which side is for the healing and helping of those people desperately needing care... I pray that Wakan Tanka sorts them out and deals with them... Stop using the people... stop abusing the people... stop exploiting the people...
If you wish to join me again in ceremony outside where Wakan Tanka sits... write me at the info below.
"Take the Pipe and your good intentions, yet know the traditional sacred way of your tribe. When doing ceremony, you are responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Take the Sacred Teachings to all places, where YOU are the can honestly and safely share with the one who will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. Some have walked this new path and have broken new ground... marked it for you... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. Let no one lead you astray... for you are responsible to get back.
Be blessed this day.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - so it is. For all the medicine... love and gratitude and blessings.
It is a good day to begin the pipe ceremonies again! I will be at the Higgins / Henry Avenue and Main Street area today at 11:30... I will pray with the people. I understand that the fighting going on over the "dis-eased" thinking of the people is necessary. I have prayed along with other Sundancers for over 112 days to heal this area and the place we call Fort Thunderbird... we have done this because it (the PEOPLE and ADMINISTRATORS AND SPIRITUAL PEOPLE) have been more than negligent... they have failed in their responsibilities to provide spiritual life to the people.
They have come after more than 4 years to "sit-in" because they have been confronted... and only because they have been confronted!
They stand for their own personal gains and losses... NOT for the people who live and die on the streets...
This ugliness is about sickness and dis-ease of the human beings who squandered the money and time of the people because they were not prepared for the magnitude of their own limitations...
They do not lack the will to heal their hearts and minds... therefore the Thunderbird house will not become what they cannot see!
Our place of spiritual practice is all over everywhere... not in a building!
"Fort Thunderbird" is a sad place... unfortunately is a place for some people who are distorted when it comes to providing "spiritual service" to the people. only if you wish to join me again in ceremony outside where Wakan Tanka sits... write me at the info below.
"Take the Pipe and your good intentions, yet know the traditional sacred way of your tribe. When doing ceremony, you are responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Take the Sacred Teachings to all places, where YOU are the can honestly and safely share with the one who will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. Some have walked this new path and have broken new ground... marked it for you... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. Let no one lead you astray... for you are responsible to get back.
Be blessed this day.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - so it is.
Myself, along with Calvin Pompana, where we sat
on Sunday and prayed for the people... we sat in support of all the street people and in response to the lack of support we witnessed for far too long... we now pray for the healing of the helpers. On Saturday, I
had come to offer my personal support to all the people and not specifically to the
present group... when I asked what their (the present occupiers) plan was to heal
the problems, they didn't have one! They (board members) said they were just being bullied
by the "owner" group. A group of which they once were all happy tight part of.??
Over 3 months ago, I came here along with Sundance Chief Calvin Pompana... we came as Sundancers to pray for healing for the area and to help the people who were struggling in their work here in this so-called sacred place.... we will still pray for healing of those people as they begin a new try at helping others in this place.
Please see the articles on this in Saturday, Sunday and Monday Free Press at: www.winnipegfreepress.ca/
SATURDAY - http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/subscriber/local/story/3687134p-4262161c.html
SUNDAY - http://winnipegfreepress.com/subscriber/local/story/3687508p-4262523c.html
Monday - http://winnipegfreepress.com/subscriber/local/story/3687808p-4263066c.html
For all who will follow the Sacred Ways of the Tatonka Oyate
"Take the Pipe with what you were given... if your intentions are pure and in the true way as shown to you and you know the traditional sacred ways of your tribe... then you will be entrusted and responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Only then must you take the Cannupa - The Sacred Pipe to all the people and to all places... You will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of the story of how and why the Sacred Pipe came to us. Respect those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. If they have caused harm talk of it and let it be in the sunset... and
let others know that they must walk the Red Road only. Some will come to try and challenge the Sacred Traditions out of weakness and arrogance (fear). You must be strong
in your walk and not mix the ways, for others have walked this path before you and have given their life and have broken new paths... marked it for you with their blood... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. let no one be allowed to lead you astray... for you will be responsible to get back. The way of the Red Road is hard because we are weak and easily confused... follow Wakan Tanka and the Tunkashilas... and then follow another human being - ONLY WHEN YOU SEE AND FEEL THE STRENGTH AND COMPASSION BASED ON THE SACRED WAYS.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters. Be blessed this day.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - so it is. 
This picture a promotional picture from the CTV movie on
the life of Elijah Harper... To be released sometime soon around the winter or spring. Elijah is the Oji-Cree man who, along with Phil Fontaine and
Ovide Mecredi, represented the Native People of Canada in stopping the infamous
Meech Lake Accord, a bill that was to change the Constitution of Canada forever.
This Bill would have said that Canada was founded by the French and the English, excluding and ultimately leading to the eroding the Native North American Indian fiduciary rights according to Treaties signed long ago.
Glenn Gould plays Phil Fontaine, Billy Merasty plays Elijah Harper and I am and extra, playing an the part of a Chief. I was the real-life bodyguard to Elijah during this most exciting time. It was a truly spiritual time for me during this filming as I got to relive some of the most beautiful time in my life... this s when I truly saw and embraced the beauty of my people.
I embraced with all my heart the Traditional Ways of the Circle of Life Medicine Teachings... as a Sundancer, as a Pipe Carrier and as a Transformational Guide.
I am blessed with this memory and strengthened by it forever.
For all who will follow the Sacred Ways of the Tatonka Oyate
"Take the Pipe with what you were given... if your intentions are pure and in the true way as shown to you and you know the traditional sacred ways of your tribe... then you will be entrusted and responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Only then must you take the Cannupa - The Sacred Pipe to all the people and to all places... You will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of the story of how and why the Sacred Pipe came to us. Respect those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. If they have caused harm talk of it and let it be in the sunset... and
I let
others know that they must walk the Red Road only. Some will come to try and challenge the Sacred Traditions out of weakness and arrogance (fear). You must be strong
in your walk and not mix the ways, for others have walked this path before you and have given their life and have broken new paths... marked it for you with their blood... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. let no one be allowed to lead you astray... for you will be responsible to get back. The way of the Red Road is hard because we are weak and easily confused... follow Wakan Tanka and the Tunkashilas... and then follow another human being - ONLY WHEN YOU SEE AND FEEL THE STRENGTH AND COMPASSION BASED ON THE SACRED WAYS.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters. Be blessed this day.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
I have learned a valuable teaching over this last week or so, of my life... were I suffered. Much like I did last year in May and June of 2005. Then, while I was living in Georgia, severely ill and fevered. I suffered greatly, lying on a slatted wooden bed frame for 4 days. In great pain.
In my fevered time, I had a sad hurtful vision of the trail of tears... and saw countless Native Americans walking and dying... I saw them sad and in pain, with no tears. Silence. In this vision time, I was told to leave this place. It was diseased... a distorted place and the people there were not going to let me live.
I left in such a poor condition. I was hospitalized upon arrival. I couldn't deal with how sick I was... I had no choice at the time. I was destitute. I lost everything.
I needed to try... to trust the hospital or should I say the people there. I tried. I left the hospital against the doctors orders because of the abusive treatment I received from a white nurse. I define her race because it was so strong in how she mistreated me specifically and not the "other" man beside me.
This time around, I was very ill in much the same way... only this time I stayed away from the hospital. I chose to spend my healing time by myself. I found it safer.
For 2 days I was in the same vision.... Where I sat in a circle facing the west. Another circle was to the North of me with the South door open... there a man who appeared to be white was leading the circle... I kept feeling tremendous pressure (fear / anger) to know why they needed another circle. I kept going back to this vision (you would call it fever induced) for 2 days... in and out.
This stress filled time went on until I heard Tunkashilas tell me... that I need only to concentrate on the Cannupa and the teachings of the Tatonka Oyate - the Buffalo People and this I was told when I finally stopped looking at the other person leading that dark circle. The other thing that was apparent was that the man leading was literally fading... losing life in color and vanishing.
I realized then that I must concentrate on the Way I was taught.... not on the others who mislead and abuse people. I realize that the South door was open on the other circle because people needed to leave it and it was not that way for me or any one else to enter into that dark way.
I saw my ability to withstand the pressure of distortions and distraction of pain and illness... and darkness... even loneliness. I felt that the Creator showed me that I must learn to forgive people for their hurts to me. And that I still must remain committed to living free of certain groups or individuals from all facets of my life... people who are distorted in or on their paths to living healthy, free and fully functional - conscious and aware... able to be truly caring of self, others and Mother Earth.
I saw myself sitting strong with the Cannupa... and people who sat with me... sat strong and in a loving way. In my vision I asked Wakan Tanka to take me from this suffering... I was in so much pain.
On the forth day, I remember being told to be still and listen. Listen to my heart and my body... I did. I was told to the stop poisoning myself with certain people and places and in particular the present "Wasicu" medicines that I was prescribed.
I awoke and the next day read about the particular medication I was taking and how it w should be taken off the market! I stopped this medicine and dedicated myself to following the traditional medicines of Wakan Tanka.
I understand that I must follow more closely the way I was taught and that I cannot mix other ways with these Sacred Ways... I will not. And that I will acknowledge the lessons I have learned throughout my life.
I will do my daily spiritual practices with all who wish to take part... yet I will not compromise the safety or freedom of others... I pledge as a Spirit-Warrior to keep the Circle Of Life Medicine Way strong.
I am Akicita Wakan Mani. I pray with you and I walk with my eyes, ears, heart
and mind open and willing to live honestly and free with you.
I need to share... I am, with all my breath and life, grateful for my Ina, my mother... Thank you for giving me life... for carrying me into this world.
I am grateful for the mothers of my children... I am grateful for my daughters, grateful for my sisters, grateful for my grandmothers, grateful for my aunts and for all the women who have touched my personal life in either a positive and/or negative way. I will keep all the lessons to strengthen my stance for the people... all people.
For all who will follow the Sacred Ways of the Tatonka Oyate
"Take the Pipe with what you were given... if your intentions are pure and in the true way as shown to you and you know the traditional sacred ways of your tribe... then you will be entrusted and responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Only then must you take the Cannupa - The Sacred Pipe to all the people and to all places... You will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of the story of how and why the Sacred Pipe came to us. Respect those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. If they have caused harm talk of it and let it be in the sunset... and
let others know that they must walk the Red Road only. Some will come to try and challenge the Sacred Traditions out of weakness and arrogance (fear). You must be strong in your walk and not mix the ways, for others have walked this path before you and have given their life and have broken new paths... marked it for you with their blood... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. let no one be allowed to lead you astray... for you will be responsible to get back. The way of the Red Road is hard because we are weak and easily confused... follow Wakan Tanka and the Tunkashilas... and then follow another human being - ONLY WHEN YOU SEE AND FEEL THE STRENGTH AND COMPASSION BASED ON THE SACRED WAYS.Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - All is well.
It is clear to me that the Scared Pipe is a gift from Wakan Tanka. It is also clear to me that we, as Native American People have been burdened with a huge historical load of unresolved, pent-up - never before, felt - emotions!
I am saying this because I keep seeing and hearing such anger, hurt, pain and shame - the reoccurring problems with relationships, addictions and other dysfunctions... especially from those who carry sacred items such as drums, pipes, eagle feathers and such things. I have seen and heard of spiritual leaders / elders being charged with sexual
exploitation an such things. Why? Or how come this?More later... OK!
For all who will follow the Sacred Ways of the Tatonka Oyate
"Take the Pipe with what you were given... if your intentions are pure and in the true way as shown to you and you know the traditional sacred ways of your tribe... then you will be entrusted and responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Only then must you take the Cannupa - The Sacred Pipe to all the people and to all places... You will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of the story of how and why the Sacred Pipe came to us. Respect those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. If they have caused harm talk of it and let it be in the sunset... and let others know that they must walk the Red Road only. Some will come to try and challenge the Sacred Traditions out of weakness and arrogance (fear). You must be strong in your walk and not mix the ways, for others have walked this path before you and have given their life and have broken new paths... marked it for you with their blood... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. let no one be allowed to lead you astray... for you will be responsible to get back. The way of the Red Road is hard because we are weak and easily confused... follow Wakan Tanka and the Tunkashilas... and then follow another human being - ONLY WHEN YOU SEE AND FEEL THE STRENGTH AND COMPASSION BASED ON THE SACRED WAYS.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters. Be blessed this day.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - All is well.
For all who follow the Sacred Ways of the Tatonka Oyate and those who believe we can make a difference in the lives of others by sharing our faith.
"I have often heard how it would be "nice" or "good" if our children our young people would be taught this or that in regards to understanding about such things as "suicide" "crime" "deviance" "hygiene" "sexuality" and on and on "stuff" about making better "life" choices. I suppose you've heard them as well???
Anyway, my point, which has always been this - Unless they - you or I possess in a usable, sustainable manner - the ability to express and maintain functional emotional relating or relationships - then we can learn most things of these mice things and in a down and out time or stressful time - their emotional functioning or dis-functioning will kick in. I am not a pessimist... I have seen and heard of so many people stuck in the act of doin' good to keep the front or the status of the family or the group and then poof! Then end up in t-r-o-u-b-l-e, whatever that intales.
I
believe that we can and must learn along with significant others (humans) to learn to love our self... express our self in all ways... even the not-so-nice" things. We will need to make room for the "true" loving ways of the people and move beyond the "act" of caring and sharing the truth about nice and good life.The Medicine Way is about connecting to our true self - we are Wakan - HOLY AND COMPLETE - as a child and it is up to those care givers around us, the Oyate - THE PEOPLE - to provide us with teachings of love and
nurturing and life.I believe that it is never too late to give teachings of
nurturing and love... I believe that it may be too late to take that nurturing and love in... especially if you have little or no experience in doing this.Let's have an aware and conscious day and learn to love our self along with someone else and do this with an
openness and a knowing, understandable - truly fully communicative way. Talk to someone and let them talk with your heart.Blessings Kolas - friends.
Take the Pipe with what you were given... if your intentions are pure and in the true way as shown to you and you know the traditional sacred ways of your tribe... then you will be entrusted and responsible to open and close the Universe in the proper way. The way originally instructed. Only then must you take the Cannupa - The Sacred Pipe to all the people and to all places... You will uphold the gifts the Creator has given us the people... hold it in the good way. Let there be an understanding of the story of how and why the Sacred Pipe came to us. Respect those who walked before you... When they have walked in the good way... you will know. If they have caused harm talk of it and let it be in the sunset... and let others know that they must walk the Red Road only. Some will come to try and challenge the Sacred Traditions out of weakness and arrogance (fear). You must be strong in your walk and not mix the ways, for others have walked this path before you and have given their life and have broken new paths... marked it for you with their blood... so that you would find your way easier and accomplish more. let no one be allowed to lead you astray... for you will be responsible to get back. The way of the Red Road is hard because we are weak and easily confused... follow Wakan Tanka and the Tunkashilas... and then follow another human being - ONLY WHEN YOU SEE AND FEEL THE STRENGTH AND COMPASSION BASED ON THE SACRED WAYS.
Be strong Brothers and Sisters. Be blessed this day.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - All is well.
Ever heard someone complain about another person talking about or speaking out about problems? It is a difficult situation to be in or to deal with especially if it affects you. While it is necessary for people to express and change hurtful or marginalizing or confining situations in order for things to change for the better, It is crucial to be safe and aware of who and where you share.
"Speaking the exact aspects or parts of our life (the picture) as they or it is... of our true experience assists us to deal effectively and functionally with the reality... and obtain the complete solution - freedom to live." Akicita Wakan Mani
, you, we and they - are only as healthy as the shameful secrets carried. Shame being the key here... if the situation is something that you NEED to hide for fear of being ridiculed or hurt by the shame then it COULD be something that you might need to "get off your mind" by talking with a healthy person.
It is necessary to speak out until issues are re-solved and the energy of the situation is relieved and purged. This means that we will minimize or at the least - control the residual affects of the damage or the trauma of that event, situation or theme in OUR life. Can you imagine if no one ever spoke out about the annihilation and destruction of the Native American Indians! How about the murder of Helen Betty Osborne that went on unresolved for so many years souly because she was "just" an Indian! How but slavery of the Black Race! How about the Nazis murdering millions of Jews!
There are so many examples of the value and need for speaking out. For sure we all need to learn to be empowered and the only way is to speak out tell someone about your situation. AND, not but, be very careful about who you speak to... When the other person listening is healthy, they will assist you in covering all aspects of recovering your true self. Without further shame or denial.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - All is well.
Freedom is running away when it is
Yesterday I learned of the suicide of a 12 year young girl... she took her own life by hanging herself in her closet. I was told about the need for post suicide support and called to help because it was an Native American girl. I knew nothing of the name or family, nor the particulars. Before going, I prayed with Cannupa, for
guidance and sustenance of my own life energy and to do loving, healthy for all concerned.
I keep a relevant outlook as to how I will be affected by these situations. I pray to keep my perspective as to how and why I assist others in dealing with life after death and healthy functional life by the healing of the trauma experienced. I pray to keep all the healing experience I have acquired over the last 33 years. I pray for the ability to withstand the sometimes misdirected pain of other Native American people who have a strong mistrust for the "psycho-social mental health system" especially in times of such personal tragedy and extreme loss. I pray for full acknowledgement of the plight of OUR people - HUMAN BEINGS!
I felt a peace permeate my face and body as prayed.... I faced the east to acknowledge the Morning Star - the Sun - to ask for reassurance of life for all human beings. I asked for the blessings and strength of the Tunkashilas - the Angels - to be with me and us. I felt this and went.
I arrived and found out that the little girl was the daughter of someone I knew for quite a few years, yet her father was still somewhat of an acquaintance to me, really. Despite this, I was saddened even more. He helps others to heal as well and carries the drum and sings to help others heal. I pray for him and all the others and the children who are affected by this tragedy. I was saddened because I saw and felt distance from some because of mistrust and old unresolved hurts and damage. I came prepared and helped as a Strong Heart with my heart and mind intact.
I cannot be grateful enough for the way of the Pipe and the Sacred Teachings of the Circle of Life AND for the deep personal healing work I did. Critical preparation needed, that I had the strength to do BECAUSE of my willingness to walk the talk / teachings of the Pipe, AS WELL AS, learning and using SOME of the more healthy methods of the psycho-social mental health system.
It is crucial to prepare to be with others in times of tragedy and extreme stress or trauma... whether we are a Pipe Carrier or psychologist or social worker... we need to be free of our own "baggage" free of our "trappings" and capable of being emotionally available and disciplined to "truly be" with others. To be with others to show the "humanness" of expression, of the very EMOTIONS that went un-expressed by this beautiful little human being. It is this undeveloped need that caused the S-U-I-C-I-D-E OF THIS LITTLE GIRL!
IT MUST BE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT WE MUST LEARN TO EXPRESS EMOTIONS... BECAUSE IT IS WAKAN TANKA'S GIVEN RIGHT FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS TO BE FREE... FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS TO FEEL AND EMOTE... ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO ARE PART OF A RACE OF PEOPLE DECIMATED THROUGH AND BY COLONIALISM... IT IS FOR A PEOPLE SHUT-DOWN, SHUT-UP, WHILE BEING OVER-BURDENED WITH AN OVER-WHELMING ONSLAUGHT OF PAIN AND SHAME AND THEN HAVING NO FREEDOM TO MOVE AND LEARN TO EXPRESS... TO HAVE TRUE EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION AND FREEDOM OF THE HEART.
Help by example
and heal yourself first - "HEAL-PER".
Please
help make this place heaven so others won't leave the love that is here.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - All is well.
It is a good thing to let others know when you are having trouble with understanding something especially when it is to do with your inner thoughts and feelings. To keep some things in is OK, while to keep others is not. Those things being aspects of your life that cause lingering or lasting serious doubt about your self worth or safety or interfere with your will to live. Care about self must be learned and care by someone else, for some of us, must be earned. Trust is a huge issue for most people.
I believe strongly that we all must be able to express what is in us... whether it is by words or actions, the emotions must be expressed and understood - not just yelled or cried or banged or jumped (actioned) - actioned out. Most of us can move around and say something like - I am so mad or so sad or whatever... For sure.
Yet it is what we understand in our hearts and minds ALONG WITH one or more caring, understanding, supportive, appropriate LOVING person that allows us to truly experience and know real freedom from the way we were conditioned to be in this time and place from our original life.
I have known that throughout my life that the ones who raised me, where mixed-up in how they expressed emotions and how they acted-out life situations. I realize that I instinctively adopted some of these ways AND one of them was deal with my inner thoughts and emotions by my self (isolation) AND this is why I suffered way longer and deeper than was necessary or needed.
There certainly is more to this topic and I will add to this later. Have a blessed day!
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - All will be well.
I believe
I have written
I believe that
It
is easy, today, for me to say this... That I understand that I have made mistakes
in my life and that I must live with the results. I also understand that
I must continually face my own choices and my own actions... today - even though I
was mistreated or abused in my past. To live with the reality of past
actions, history, and my old attitudes, takes, sometimes a whole lotta of energy. I must make room for this much needed energy to be kept within me.
A real or true
reference point can be made or found through education and training. Learning does
provide much for your ability to grow and there is no doubt that it is good to
have an
education and you learn more techniques and gain knowledge and confidence by understanding
dysfunction and techniques to work on it. It doesn't' capture
the true essence of your reference point or the true ability in changing or
healing one's inner reference point. And while, It is a good thing to grow older- maybe become an elder - do you do it because you lose strength,
speed and
agility and ability to run or force others to run. With age many of us become less
aggressive and
are "forced" to allow others and self - more time and this more patience. There
are more examples of ways of changing ho we used to do things. It is not so easy for me- to be ready, willing, and able
I realize that
I am responsible for my reactions today and every day... I am responsible for how I assist others in their healing... I am responsible for how I travel on my Recovery... I am accepting of the Red Road and this includes the Pipe and the Circle of Life Medicine Way.
I pray
for all who lead and for all who struggle in their own personal health. I I Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. Hece tu welo -It will be.
The Circle
Of Life Medicine Way is about living the 4 aspects of life. The Emotional, The Physical, The Mental, The Relational... and knowing and
accepting that all things are Spiritual.
For certain, This Way is about healing and learning to live true to Wakan Tanka's Way. And If you are there already then it is about being there for others who wish to be helped or assisted. It is about being willing, dedicated and committed to making this a better world. It is really about balancing and harmonizing all aspects of your life in order that others can find some faith and belief through your life modeling.
Finding faith and belief - is about finding the power for discernment and developing the ability to trust another human being. It is about knowing how and why aspects four life and living are undeveloped and the root causes of the difficulties and troubles in (y)our life.
The Circle
Of Life Medicine Way is about living how we were originally intended to live. Free of misuse and abuse of self and others and this includes
all other
beings and aspects of life here on Mother Earth. The original way being
able to express all things with a peacefulness and respect for life and all
creation. This
This is not easy and in fact it is very difficult especially if you have not experienced enough love or nurturing yourself. It is not entirely possible until you have learned to LOVE YOURSELF. And this does not mean pretending to take care of yourself through proper eating and sleeping and exercising... it means, as well, to be giving, caring, and sharing nurturing... physical love without sexualizing.
As well - Giving and sharing physical love and sharing sexual love with your chosen significant other in harmonious relationship, where it is fulfilling spiritual "connectedness" and not just physical needs and not medicating in any way.
The Circle Of Life Way is about living the freedom of life... giving and receiving nurturing and care - love with only one intent - to make this a better world.
You give what you have in you to give... And if you are hurt inside or bitter - then this is what you give - either directly or indirectly. It is a sad legacy to "try" to be a teacher, or parent, or leader of some sort or spiritual minister, or medicine or spiritual person and be "mixed-up "or "lost" or "damaged" inside and be driven to help others and struggle with nurturing your self or "falling" down every once in a while and "messing-up"... this happens. This is not a mean thing to say... it is reality for all human beings... including my self!
I must follow a daily practice to keep expressing the ways I feel and think and live... I do this to NOT allow aspects of negativity to build up and distort my "good and healthy" intentions of being with others in a healthy and constructive LOVING way - The Circle Of Life Medicine Way.
There is a process to healing our past and it begins with understanding this process and accepting it and our right to be cared for and nurtured to freedom.
The choice
is ours to talk about our secrets and our shame and pain and responsibility
and/or blame for our past... It is easy to say that it is a choice. For me it took years and years before I could stand up and tell
my truth
about my own shame and pain... I pray today to keep addressing any and all parts
of my life that may cause me to be bitter or untruthful to others. I pray
for the strength to walk the talk of the Circle Of Life Medicine Way. Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo -It will be.
At
this time, it is critical that I, humbly ask for your help to keep my spiritual
work going and to keep this website active... I am struggling with this issue right now. I am asking for
a helping hand-up, not a hand-out, I am seeking your assistance to raise a funds
for helping others. Your help please is needed. PHONE:1 - 204 - 224 - 952O
The address is - P.O. BOX 45114
Winnipeg, Manitoba,
Canada, R2C 3A0
or EMAIL at info@ spirit-warrior.ca
Any financial help you can offer will be gratefully appreciated.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo -It will be.
Throughout My Recovery, I have had to make adjustments to my lifestyle and my thinking.. some changes came easy, while some, not most, were difficult... some, and not all, were painful.
I am saying this because in Recovery, change is always a given. After all healing something in one's self or one's self is changing for the better. Right? Right.
Anyway, I have had to learn some techniques, that help me to not only survive or cope with these, sometimes drastic changes... to actually talk and deal with the painful or discomforting loss of this change. I actually can and do deal openly directly about the change or "loss". (With someone healthy and trustworthy)
These techniques work only when there is room or space within us to accommodate or deal effectively with the discomforting emotions that result the some disruption from our "normal" living, even though it (the living) was discomforting in the first place. It is the intention to rid our self of difficult living ways. This is recovery at its simplest form. The hard part is to achieve this with consciousness and awareness.
I understand how it is for some of us who learn a "better living" technique and find our selves doing the same "wrong" thing over again. Like using drugs or alcohol or sex or some other addiction or medicator to avoid pain or discomfort in our life. .. especially when we are supposed to know better.
The power of emotions is tremendous. Even with strong "knowing" of a better way. This is way I say that we must be willing to go all the way... to living conscious and aware.
Doing this will allow the "new" ways of living to stay readily available for our use.... and be strong for us and for others in our life. Can you imagine when two people close in life will or would do the same in front of one and other... and for one and other! Wow!
Don't get me wrong, this process takes a lot of sacrifice and hard work. It takes having someone to lead and model and be totally supportive of the whole process for YOU and them! Healing is healing and changing for the better and it lasts forever!
The Circle Of Life Medicine Way is about living this way.... living all 4 aspects of life. The Emotional, The Physical, The Mental, The Relational... and throughout knowing and accepting that all things are Spiritual. Knowing that the reality is that the past does affect our present and even so, that all can be changed for the better. This is reality.
I share a practical approach to living free from dysfunction and freer from what really hurts us.. it is about dealing with our emotional past and our actions based on our feelings and our thinking... our life. We can achieve more by accepting that emotions are supposed to be expressed and that we must learn disciplined of our hearts and minds as well.
Again there is much more to this process. I will add more later.
Pilamaya my friends and thank you.
For certain, This Way is about healing and learning to live true to Wakan Tanka's Way. And If you are there already then it is about being there for others who wish to be helped or assisted. It is about being willing, dedicated and committed to making this a better world. It is really about balancing and harmonizing all aspects of your life in order that others
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - It will be.
At this time, it is critical that I, humbly ask for your help to keep my spiritual work going and to keep this website active... I am struggling with this issue right now. I am asking for a helping hand-up, not a hand-out, I am seeking your assistance to raise a funds for helping others. Your help please is needed.
The address is -
P.O. BOX 45114
Winnipeg, Manitoba,
Canada, R2C 3A0
PHONE: 1 - 204 - 224 - 952O
In my "work", which I claim, as a "Medicine Way of Life" (Circle of Life
Medicine Way), I accept that I will always and must always be living conscious and aware and that it takes more energy or
perseverance (hanging in there) or commitment (sometimes pain filled suffering) in the "doing" of the process.
I wish to have you know that, I understood, from deep within, AND only after I did the deep experiential healing work, that I could withstand the pressure of living fully functionally (constantly being conscious and aware and effectively dealing with situations in life that, before, I either avoided or mishandled), and I must emphasize - that this is certainly
O-N-L-Y after and when I got rid of most of the old "stuff" I was burdened with. This old stuff is old pent-up, built-up, unresolved, and maybe even shameful emotions and memories (known and unknown).
The way I got rid of the old stuff was staying committed to the deep healing work through experiential therapy, psychodrama, music and art therapy, among other methods of modern contemporary psycho-social work. All of the energy and strength required for this work was made possible, for me, by the Traditional Medicine Ways of my people. These Tradition ways are all Medicine ways and are all in the "acceptance" of the fractioned. I believe in the Cannupa - the pipe and the Sacred Ways of my people. (Our People).
I am aware of how each of us is unique and that we are of different tribes and therefore, we will have different beliefs - different views AND, I must respect this. I pray for all of us to find a OUR "source" of inner strength or energy to be committed to staying the process... it is very energy consuming to engage in re-living or re-doing our old "stuff.
The process is necessary... and it about feeling, thinking, understanding, acknowledging and knowing why and how things are happening and what and how we can do about them... there is much to the process... it is not an instant happening (after a workshop or training or reading). It takes a commitment to living conscious and aware.... this is the hard part.
I have committed myself to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe in the only way - Honorably... and I do the same with my Recovery... to me these go hand in hand.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece tu welo - It will be.
In the time I sat at the downtown seedy core of this city, Winnipeg at the area of Higgins / Henry Avenue and Main Street, I prayed to Wakan Tanka to help me and to help the people of the streets... people who suffer from dis-ease - drug addiction, violence and sexual dysfunction and other problems within life.
I also prayed for those helpers who were working and running the troubled Thunderbird House... a "building", originally set-up to provide spiritual leadership for the "Aboriginals Peoples" of Winnipeg and surrounding areas. The Pipe Ceremonies lasted for 112 days until they (the board members and supporters) were forced to address the problems with the dis-eased approach to providing spiritual leadership to the people.
I have been praying, as well for the healing of the leadership of another center. This prayer was answered. Because of the leader's continued abusiveness and use of cocaine and the accompanying problems, sadly, yet rightfully, he was dismissed as "spiritual" leader of this center.
I believe in the power of prayer and yet I understand that, we as human beings must speak up about injustice and abuse... there is no other way.
It is apparent to me that we as a society must promote empowerment and expression and that all of us must develop the capacity to "hear" and honor those who come forth with concerns or cries for help.
It is or should be, the intention of any Sundancer, to stand up was
I have committed myself to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe in the only way - Honorably... and I do the same with my Recovery... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for truth and love... together.Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece
tu welo - It will be.
Some words about My Experience with Daily Affirmations.
I remember first reading a daily affirmation book in 1989... and thinking that it was "BS"! I thought to myself that I can't relate to the things that were written there. And that no one really talks like this and that no
one really means it or that I couldn't do it anyways. I thought we should all know about positive things to think about and talk about
and do... so I learned them. I mean we all heard them in school or
on TV. I just couldn't connect to the "nice" Leave It To Beaver" or "Father Knows Best" or other nice life television / movie stuff. As I have said before, I "knew" to act positive and this looked OK. I proved this time and time again with my Martial Arts training and in other areas of my life... that I could act like I was getting by and I focused mostly on my successes. Yet I couldn't take the chance to tell another person of how I felt troubled or confused or depressed with certain aspects of my life.
I remember thinking that the Daily Affirmations were somewhat like the bible or the words of a hypocritical preacher or sick parent! Yes I was so disconnected from taking in real relevant advice... you know actual useable techniques or ways for me to "live" free and happy and peaceful and the whole thing. They were just words to me and it was more like a reminder to me that I came from a" lesser" place.
I am sharing this to give you a place of reference - my place that I came from... My struggle with letting in available technique for healing or bettering ones life. I was set up to not trust words that could be thrown away with a slap or a kick or a shaming look or a shunning episode... something that reminded me that I wasn't good enough for "it" all. I had learned that we must act OK even in the full view of those who were supposed to help or protect me.
I started to read or I should say listen to daily affirmations through meetings of Adult Children Anonymous. I progressed to buying my own book and agonizingly carrying a little affirmation book around with me... I would read it over and over. To get the "bigger" meaning of the words.
I am speaking more practically here because I know that in the beginning of changing ones life that this kind of "info" can come across as rather "preachy" and it can seem "unreachable" for some of us who have struggled with life. I intend here to speak to the "healper" and the "healpee". To address that we as helpers must be honest and open to the struggles of those we help... to be aware that we can cause more harm than good if we add to their shame of "not Getting it" or trigger their distortions of what is right or what works or doesn't work.
I eventually bought a whiteboard (one for each of my rooms) and dry erase markers and began to write my own dailies... I just kept going and I kept repeating and kept reading and writing the positive things to myself. And I kept praying the serenity prayer as well. Oh yea... I analyzed the serenity prayer to figure out how and why it was written and how it works or doesn't. I did some of this to occupy my time since I wasn't indulging in most of the old medicators as I used to do. I had more time on my hands. I write something each day and Say it to myself or share this with someone else each day!
I thank the Creator that I did the therapy or healing work - this really allowed me to experience the words of these daily affirmations and this helped immensely. As I said earlier, I went to Adult Children Anonymous and found a whole lot of support, unlike Alcoholics Anonymous, where I found a whole lot hypocrisy, a lot of "dysfunctional" screwing around. Things that were going on in and around meetings that made those words just ring out as phony slogans at least most of the time! I needed real connection to emotions and to understand how emotions played such apart in my understanding of words and actions.
I achieved connection through persevering through the initial process of personal judgment (SHAME) that I wasn't worthy of a better life and that nothing really gets better for some people... especially "Indians"! Oh yes this was in my mind. And I am not sorry to say this. It was reality then and it is still today for many of us -"INDIANS"... it is also true for some of those people who come to us as helpers!
The purpose of daily affirmations is to remind me - you - that there is a better way to live and that we - - you and I together can do it... it begins with words and comes out in our actions. We will struggle to understand both. This depends on where and how and with whom we started out life with.
I write this and a lot of memories flood into me... I remember saying "To hell with this! This won't work for mer."
I know today that it does work for mer. To use the technique of daily affirming talk... self talk or sharing talk with others. I have proven this time and time again.
I believe that we all need someone healthy and trustworthy to talk with... even if it our self!
Today, I am worth the time to understand me and myself and I... I an working on this. Will you walk and work with me?
Blessings dear friends. May your path, your way be lighted by your inner and outer light... may you see the light that you truly are... With love I share with you.
I have committed myself to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe in the only way - Honorably... and I do the same with my Recovery... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for truth and love... together.
I ask for prayers for Ian... may his heart be open to healing and may he be aided in dealing with his unresolved pain and shame that fuels his need for cocaine and grandiosity. MAY HE SEE HIS TRUTH. Help us all to walk our talk.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Hece
tu welo - It will be.
From the other side, it is very difficult for the other r person "left behind" because they will need to face their own sometimes conscious) deep pain and loss and whatever comes up with this usually drastic change. This change can happen from being "caught" or "fond-out" or even from inner acknowledging of the final failure of a relationship which can remind us deeply of a "continuation" of abandonment - AND it doesn't matter that we have caused it! The initial movement of
ending the dysfunctional relating is no-doubt painful itself... even though it can
be freeing and welcomed. The focus here is to acknowledge that ending pain or hurt ABUSE is only the beginning of another paradigm... this one is about facing our inner disturbance that made it possible or why in the first
place did we enter into the abnormal treatment (ABUSIVE) relationship in the first place! This is a very difficult time for most people... the victim for sure AND the perpetrator to get to
the core reasons of why??? No one just fell into abusiveness - although many
and most of us have been pushed or pulled, we all have had some inner choice or inner reason going along with the dysfunction. I say this
to empower each of us to check out our own inner conditioning or up-bringing or education
of life choices here. So in keeping with the point here...all people are invited to address their own traumas and affects in
the relationship of life here... in the process of recovery it is imperative that
we all get to CHOOSE - AND - we all must deal with the original reasons why
in the first place. It is not easy to walk this
Red Road... It is not easy to face the hows and whys we had living difficulties
in the first place... and how we came to know and choose the better way to live. There are definite ways to
understand the losses... it takes a progressive, sustainable maintenance program to
keep your recovery going smooth, especially if you are a healer / helper... this applies to all of us... as partners and leaders or lovers... whomever
you are. I still keep a close watch on this heart of mine...
to ensure that I stay centered to be interacting in loving kindness (as best and most
conscious and aware as I know) and yet stand up against apathy or racism or prejudice
or violence or dis-ease (ready to say no to abusive, even violent people). The process of recovery is
strengthened by the Sacred Medicine Ways... I pray for sustenance to keep mindful that
pain that can seem to be insurmountable at times.... gets mixed up with old unresolved
losses and pains and other distortions and can get way out of "whack! I believe we must help all peoples...we work towards comforting the pains of all who suffer.. we do it with a
genuine openness and loving involvement to allow others to feel safe and protected- championed! We all need that special
safe, supportive, non-judging, openly loving human being... you! Blessings dear friends. May your path, your way be lighted by your inner and outer light... may you see the light that you truly are... With love I share with you. I committed to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe for the people... my Recovery
is all of this as well... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for truth and love... together.
I love you! Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. Hece
tu welo - It will be.
I am humbled by the degree of commitment (inner strength) for anyone who makes and keeps the decision to stay away from hurtfulness and pain and discomfort... abuse. I speak of the conditioning of many people - too many people - who "choose" to stay in abusive relationship or lifestyle. It is a hard decision for most people... impossible for some... it is critical for some as well to leave and never come back into a dangerous (determined by you) situation!
We sing this: "Great Spirit have pity on me! I shall live, that is why I am doing this.
"Great Spirit have pity on me! I shall live, that is why I am doing this.
Great Spirit have pity on me!
I want to live and that is why I am doing this.
Help me!
I am suffering.
Great Spirit have pity on me!
I want to live and that is why I am doing this.
Help me!
I am suffering.
This song signifies to me an acknowledgement of the suffering that I was given as a child AND as an adult. This suffering I speak of here is more of the cognitive or known memories that I have known. It is about some of those situations and events that were seriously hard in my life... things that affected me then and some which have a lasting affect, even today.
I sing this song to acknowledge the process I undertook to change the affects of the abuse I suffered throughout my life. I sang this song during situations and many other these times and... I hear it now with you.
The significance of this song being sung by children is incredible... though I am a man - I have the heart and will of a child - to live... to fight to live beyond the memories of harshness and the societal stigma of being soft and emotional... I remember strength from within me to leave the house I was born into because it was dis-eased.
I relate to the suffering with love... love for the creator and creation... not for pain or toughness... for the understanding of why people hurt one and other and how we can learn to love in the true way, despite our hidden distorted inner fears, shames, and pains. In short, I have been learning to love myself through the Sundance and through the work I did at Onsite Training and Consulting... in many ways the suffering of dancing in the sun without food or water for four days is the epitome of living for years without the nurturing safe love of a "Mommy and Daddy"... or the environment of healthy tribal people.
As I said before I had spirit guardians - Tunkashilas... I know today that they kept me alive. Pilamaya.
In the beginning of the song there is a man saying "This Indian way is hard." This, for me, is about living our color of our skin, my skin, amongst the people - my people - who suffer even more than I do and their suffering has never stopped, even as they reach the later years of life.
I am fifty-four winters now and my life has gotten immensely better and yet I suffer with some memories of what used to be everyday loss...
I suffer with those who have no one to hold... no one to tell them that they are needed and loved and wanted... I suffer with those who cannot let other close to them because they have deeply embedded fear and shame. I suffer with those who cannot speak of their pain and cannot understand what it is they are feeling... I suffer with those who have never experienced expression of love and nurturing and healthy support... I suffer with those who are in such pain that they live to drink or drug until they die.
I suffer with an acknowledgement that I can do something positive, relevant, and functional with myself and those others who suffer... I can and I do. This is the function of this site. I know that I don't have the only answer. I know that I can only do tings as far as I have become healthy myself. I do love my work and I do understand that I suffer still. I have been gifted with understanding how and why I suffer. I understand the process of healing ALL of what I carry and then doing my maintenance process of living well each day. I understand the techniques of transformational work... making life changes that allow me to live - more and more - conscious and aware.
Wakan Tanka, unsimala ye. Wakan Tanka, have pity on me!
I am a warrior and I follow the Circle of life Medicine Way... I am a Sundancer and carrier of the Sacred Pipe - Cannupa... I accept my suffering and I stand for the Traditions of humanity... I am grateful for my children and I am grateful for my life... I thank you WINYAN - WOMAN for my life as well. I am grateful... forever. I will live for those who suffer and I will model the way of the heart and compassion... And I will continue my service work to all people.
I committed to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe for the people... my Recovery is all of this as well... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for truth and love... together. I love you.Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related, Hece tu welo - all is well.
The song you hear on this site is from the Sundance: We sing this song...
"Great Spirit have pity on me! I shall live, that is why I am doing this.
Great Spirit have pity on me! I shall live, that is why I am doing this.
Great Spirit have pity on me!
I want to live and that is why I am doing this.
Help me!
I am suffering.
Great Spirit have pity on me!
I want to live and that is why I am doing this.
Help me! I am suffering."
This song speaks to me about my journey through my past... my having to deal with some things that I would have loved to "just leave alone". Things that I fund shameful and some others painful and some both and much more.
Suffering is when a person lives without solution or support to deal with issues that cause living problems, not just occasional discomfort. Suffering is when you make another person hurt. I say this because anyone who is healthy will "feel" (strong painful remorse) and know when they have caused damage in someone else. This is healthy.
So suffering is what you feel when you live with unresolved damage; That you have either done to someone or have had done to you. Neither is peaceful and neither is easy to embrace or understand or get free of.
The way to peace is through living in the loving way - kind, gentle, honest, supportive, helpful, understanding, and many other wonderful characteristics of being a healthy fully functional human-being.
I have come to know peace internally, Yet, it is not entirely throughout me yet. I do feel so much more... I feel so much freedom from many things such as addictions, distortions, and medicators. from a completely immersing myself into a way of life that requires me to see many many aspects of life, that before I thought were OK. Some of these ways were brutal and some were less... some were subtle and some were out-right wrong and in some cases, perpetrated and condoned by the "authorities".
I speak of suffering because there is a misconception in some people about why some of us Native Americans go through some powerful Sacred ceremonies such as the Sundance and others and abstain from food and water for days sometimes. There is a misunderstanding even amongst some of us as to what we must do once we have "done" the commitment to "suffer" for the people.
Suffering is felt even as we change old hurtful "wrongful" ways or help others deal with the results of our "wrongs" against them. Change is painful... righting the wrongs is change with justice. Full complete righting of wrongs is ending the reasons for the suffering... AND then comes the affects of the wrongs... this is suffering.
We can make room for the suffering of others by dealing with our own... suffering.
The Sundance song helps us to remember that we have connection to Wakan Tanka, our Creator, who soothes our pain and allows us to know and channel our strength to help heal the people and Mother Earth. We are, when we stay committed to the understanding of ending the suffering for the people and our own.
We end the suffering in our selves and we accept loving kindness as our way to relate to others. We will make all suffering lessen for many many people including our self.
Wakan Tanka, unsimala ye. Wakan Tanka, have pity on me!
I am a warrior and I follow the Circle of life Medicine Way... I am a Sundancer and carrier of the Sacred Pipe - Cannupa... I accept my suffering and I stand for the Traditions of humanity... I am grateful for my children and I am grateful for my life... I thank you WINYAN - WOMAN for my life as well. I am grateful... forever. I will live for those who suffer and I will model the way of the heart and compassion... And I will continue my service work to all people.
I committed to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe for the people... my Recovery is all of this as well... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for truth and love... together.This song is sung during the piercing... It is sung to ask for guidance to understand our journey to help make this life and world better... The Sundance commitment is to learnt to open to loving ways and to open our hearts and minds to others to be more humane... to learn to love our self as we love the Creator and to share this love with all others. I love you.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related, Hece tu welo - all is well.
Happy Birthday Tachante Hoksila - Buffalo Heart Boy... I separated the cord through which your Ina - Mother feed you and nurtured you... I held you in my arms, when you first came into this world and I prayed gratefully for you - the gift that you are to this world and humbly, to me. I am so proud that I am your Ate - Father... and to you, I say, that I will make this "Indian Way" not so hard! I promise. Love Ate.
"I was told that the greatest of Chiefs have all come and gone. Yet we are still warriors. It is now up to us as warriors to strengthen the Chiefs because they come with much more historical and complex damage... We must be willing to speak with them openly if we are to follow and one day take our rightful place as leaders, if this needs to be done."
It is the responsibility of any of us, who have accepted to take the position of effort to lead or help another person, to stand with them in full support and all the way, fully, throughout the whole process of which one has been asked to help with. Of course there are situations where the person is only wanting advice and nothing else.
In this case it is so important that, we as helpers understand their needs and reasons for this. Yet we must skillfully seek why and what the ramifications of the situation are in regards to the danger or results of the change that will come from your help. This is not to say that we do not help because we "think" that there is too much danger involved for someone or for our self. We ourselves will then ask for assistance, Right? Right! We help.
The sign of a healthy helper is one who can and will ask for help or admit that they don't know something or that they have problems and be specific about what they need help with and what that help would look like... if they don't know they will say it without losing the integrity or dignity. In other words they will still function in their true CAPABLE CAPACITY... where they are fully functional and effective living life in.
We as helpers are responsible to walk with the people... the effective helper walks with the person through their truth and supports this person all the way. This support includes follow-up for some time after the initial goal is achieved.
A simple and functional and sustainable maintenance plan is developed with the assistance of the guide. This plan must be easily manage by the helpee.
As far as the way we help... Prayer helps to strengthen the walk and Prayer helps to give clarity to the process amongst other positive aspects of prayer... We all must be practical and "see" the whole process from an "experienced way" and not over - philosophizing or sermonizing about having "good thoughts and behaving right" and all things can be prayed away. You know that this is the same as those who came amongst us and messed us up with what we call - religiosity or as I say it... WE ARE GOING OFF INTO "La LA LAND AND GETTING INTO AVOIDANCE OF REALLY TRULY HELPING ANOTHER TO APPLY USABLE THE STRENGTH OF THE MEDICINE WAYS.
It is so very important to have the real-life experience and ability to apply the practical meanings and application of the Sacred Teachings - the Medicine Way... being able to assist another person to "understand" and "know" inside what is meant by the teachings in a way that they can readily, even easily, put to use the methods or techniques that meant by some of the "philosophical" words that describe solution to a modern day situation... today.
Wakan Tanka, unsimala ye. - Wakan Tanka, have pity on me!
We are all warriors when it comes down to it... and when we do not speak our truth we suffer inside. To deny another our truth is not loving them... It is the Strong Heart who asks in a loving kind way... What is it you are doing? or What is that you want me to know about you by the way you are showing yourself to me? or Can I do to help with what you are showing me? or How are you able to do this (describe the behavior) with me?
I am grateful for you and I will commit to standing with you in peace... forever. And I will speak my truth with you in the GOOD WAY!
For all Warriors: Will you live for those who suffer and live to model the way of the heart and clear mind... for justice? And will do this with you? Will you walk with your head held high and your heart strong for truth? Will you listen to the words of Wakan Tanka and stand to lead others in the GOOD WAY? Does your heart meet your mind... and are you taking care of all aspects of the Circle of Life Medicine Way? Are you willing to speak out when a Chief, leader, is troubled? How about and elder or a medicine person? Remember we all are mere mortals and we all are embowered for good through Wakan Tanka and we all have status in the tribe and you have Medicine. You have this and more. Believe in your gifts. Support those with goodness and let the others know without question that you are a warrior... a Spirit-Warrior.
I am committed to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe for the people... my Recovery is all of this as well... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for peace, truth and love... together.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related, Hece tu welo - all is well.
Daily Affirmation for October 26, 2006
In Winnipeg there was another murder. This murder was allegedly committed by 4 girls, ages 12 to 15. The victim - an older woman. They kicked her to death.
I am sad and angry to see and hear of this Native American woman's death. I am sick in seeing the old "act of reaction"... that surprised or astonished reaction that "we" - as a society have in hearing of another murder or attempted murder or assault by "children or youth".
It is not odd or out of character for us... here on Mother Earth to hear of these horrendous crimes. This woman had her life essence kicked out of her. Wakan Tanka carries her now. This behavior is a direct result of our "Social Leaders" pathetic (angrily I say this) approach to socializing (teaching or raising) our children to be appropriately emotionally developed (mature and intelligent socially)... being fully functional and able to live within a dis-torted, dis-eased society and where they must live with discipline and compassion AND yet be able to be "tough"! This horrendous crime is a result of way in which this system we live in allows children to have no choice but to "look after" themselves. As well it allows parents to avoid their responsibilities of being responsible for their children and to stay quite powerless in raising children.
The "powers that are" - the "responsible" people who "lead" the Social Services are sitting back, knowingly, acting like they are providing real functional services. In reality, they are authorizing un-functional, useless, "make-work-programs" to or for people-at-risk. Families and individuals - people who live in low-functioning, troubled, dysfunctional homes AND then there are those who do not even in live in a fixed address "home".
I have seen this substandard type of "help or assistance" offered for far too long now. And this poor service is a direct cause of the growing problems of these horrendous crimes being committed by youth... MORE POINTEDLY... by Native American youth and children!
We, as Native American Indian leaders, people... must heal our self first! We must face the truth of how we avoid telling one and other of the real / true social problems we face and the real / true problems we have with the people who run programs and agencies AND the real / true ways we cover our "asses" when it come to keeping our power positions or our jobs! How we do these things and know it and how we are stressed with the enormity of the "job" that needs to be taken up.
When we - Sundancers - took the Scared Pipe out side, on the grass area of Main Street and Higgins, outside of that mockery of a social agency called the Thunderbird House, we did it because of how sick and distorted their "service" was! We did it to pray for the healing of this place and the healing of the people who run this place AND the other who perpetrate thus type of poor, substandard social services. Sadly, there is a "hard-core" group of people who mis-lead the people... they spend more time fighting one and other and covering one and others "asses" so they keep their positions at the expense of innocent people.
I know we can do better... it takes will... it takes faith. I understand that is scary for these people to stand up and say what it is they see as the solution AND for them to say what it is THEY NEED! This is the key to solving this evolution to ugliness and violence... AND complete degradation of our society.
I have seen how we, and not just Native Americans, will not be up-front with our distortions of what is healthy for our self and for us as a society. We protect because of shame and fear of loss of personal power and position... this is why we are not willing or able to change the status quo of knee-jerk / band-aid solutions to the growing dysfunction. By these actions we are creating a never-to-reached segment of this society that will go forever into deeper mistrust and violent lifestyle. In all groups of society, people are already into generational criminal / gang lifestyle. This includes corporate crime as well.
I believe we need to affect change in the way we share emotions and how are allowed to live without compassionate loving guidelines to being responsible for healing after or when we do break human laws or when we act-out in destructive ways... or how we are conditioned to not deal with the deeper cause of life problems.
The solution is not simple... it is something we all need to address and it starts with our self... within our self and our families, our groups, our ethnic groups, our living practices... and on and on.
Pray for the strength to receive the energy and will to stand up and be heard... and be empowered... and to empower others.
Pray for the family of this woman taken away from us... tragically... Pray for these female children who perpetrated this horrible act of violence... pray for their families and for those people who are on the brink of their own tragedies... pray for those leaders who are not dealing with the reality of their complacency... their apathy.
Pray for yourself and your friends and family because we are all victims of this crime!
Wakan Tanka, unsimala ye. - Wakan Tanka, have pity on me!
We are all warriors when it comes down to it... and when we do not speak our truth we suffer inside. To deny another our truth is not loving them... It is the Strong Heart who asks in a loving kind way... What is it you are doing? or What is that you want me to know about you by the way you are showing yourself to me? or Can I do to help with what you are showing me? or How are you able to do this (describe the behavior) with me?
I am grateful for you and I will commit to standing with you in peace... forever. And I will speak my truth with you in the GOOD WAY!
For all Warriors: Will you live for those who suffer and live to model the way of the heart and clear mind... for justice? And will do this with you? Will you walk with your head held high and your heart strong for truth? Will you listen to the words of Wakan Tanka and stand to lead others in the GOOD WAY? Does your heart meet your mind... and are you taking care of all aspects of the Circle of Life Medicine Way? Are you willing to speak out when a Chief, leader, is troubled? How about and elder or a medicine person? Remember we all are mere mortals and we all are empowered for good through Wakan Tanka and we all have status in the tribe and you have Medicine. You have this and more. Believe in your gifts. Support those with goodness and let the others know without question that you are a warrior... a Spirit-Warrior.
I am committed to the Sundance and to carrying the Sacred Pipe for the people... my Recovery is all of this as well... to me these go hand in hand. Let us stand for peace, truth and love... together.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related, Hece tu welo - all is well.
"To walk the Red Road is not easy... there many distractions. It is not easy to walk this when you feel you walk as if you are alone. Yet to walk it with another takes such energy and focus... to be in such close footsteps with another takes balance and harmony.
Yet isn't walking The Red Road about balance and harmony.
And if walk the Red Road, you never walk it alone. No matter how far away from the path of Wakan Tanka you might feel you are... you are never alone. And when another chooses to walk with you, they choose and they will.
Because they have seen you as you are in all your regalia and taken part in the Scared ceremonies with you - then they know Wakan Tanka before you and then they know who they are. And they accept. They have chosen the Red Road path with you and have committed to walk the Red Road, with you, as you walk with them. And if the other falls away so soon after the choice - they have not seen who you are, nor have they known what you stand for.
Stay strong on your walk... for you never are alone."
As long as we have unresolved issues in our lives... that cause us to consciously or unconsciously, deny or avoid or medicate way with some act or behavior or substance or thought process or in a lifestyle detrimental to a healthy fulfilling relationship, we not live in balance and harmony and peace... nor will this place we call the world.
It isn't how much we produce or do that adds up to our worth... it is what we feel inside.
A wonderful human being once said to me that I shouldn't let my regrets dominate the value or inner belief in me... my thinking of myself and that I must forgive myself for my past wrongs.
I agree.
AND I see that no matter what we do to make things better for our self that we must be willing to make things better for other human beings and most importantly that particular human being or beings that we have wronged.
It is my quest -TODAY - to share my life - ALL OF IT - with others to help make this world a better place. I know today, that in the beginning, I really wanted to do "good" things and be accepted as a good person... not to just be perceived as just a good person... as a genuine healthy fully-functional human being.
I know part of my low self worth and value, was the results of my experiences with the abuse, racism and prejudices, I suffered as a Native American Indian... no doubt that made me want to be acc3epted by society and the "powers" who lead or govern. I am not referring to laws or life guidelines of morality or healthy living... I saw that many "good" doers were still carrying on "dysfunctional" lifestyle and so I did as well... though knowing full well that it wasn't right.
I knew that being dis-eased or dysfunctional doesn't go away by itself... AND that the original reasons or issues must be resolved and that the way I learned to "cover-up or go-beyond" my issues were made up and even though necessary - were making life difficult as well.
I believe we all start out wanting to do the right things... it is exceptionally difficult to deal with the enormity of the problems of life - intimate relationship and being a healer/helper... Especially when we do not know what our issues are or any of the connected problems that result.
This is why I say we all can benefit by living MORE conscious and aware.
This can be achieved through The Spirit-Warrior Way.
This is the Circle of Life Medicine Way based on the Pipe.
We can sit around and talk all day about our victories.. this is good. We must let those who follow us understand that we re human and that where they are NOW - TODAY - is not far away from us AND that we are here right now for them... fully emotionally available - willing and able to stand with them. AND we don't run away because our issues are causing us discomfort and that we can and will deal with them without shame.
The greatest of warriors spoke of their victories - truthfully and with gratitude for creation... as well they spoke of their losses and defeats and showed their gratitude for creation by be willing to learn a better, healthier way to live and love.
Be strong of your heart and know why you fear...
Conscious and Aware Living Needs Tempering
As any of will know - it is not easy to be open and honest with everyone... as a matter of fact - it is impossible! To be open and honest all the time and with everything about one's self and life takes time and nurturing. This nurturing time will create the environment necessary to have safety for all parties.
Part of the changes in Recovery is to become open and honest about how, why and what and some of who has affected our present lifestyle. While this is intimacy - while it does takes time... it takes patience and discretion.
When we don't take the time to understand and "know" the other person... some things said that are intended as inviting to be accepted... as caring or loving, might come to the other person receiving it, as "scary" or hurtful.
In new relationships, especially where one person has more "Recovery" experience than the other... and has dealt with the deeper intimate aspects of life.. there can be problems when approaches to issues that are talked too open. Issues not dealt with can cause relating difficulties. Even if there is a deep love.
Despite that some people will tend to have a more open approach, maybe even a more realistic way of relating on deep personal issues it is important for all participants to be sensitive to one and others personal history. Keeping in mind their focus or commitment to how and why they got together in the first place.
This brings to mind these quotes from my experience with experiential therapy,
"The TRUTH will set you free and First it will make you miserable."
This quote along with one - "TRUTH without COMPASSION is cruelty."
To know the process of Recovery one must be able to be in harmony with the understanding and application of the process... This is living your healing and it is the ultimate function of recovery. To put it into loving practice in a close intimate relationship, all the things necessary to nurture another human being to move beyond where they were before they met you or you them.
Being aware and conscious means being able to strive to always keep in mind the needs of others and our self... and to live in a balanced and harmonious way.
Recovery takes time and commitment... for all of us.
Blessings dear ones.... may you walk in beauty.
My Gift from the Creator... was to learn of why I suffered. I have lived through many hard times... Today, I pray to make it through just one more day. Kolas - friends, I struggle with my faith some days more than others... I must remember that the way to freedom is through expressing my faith and belief in the Creator - Wakan Tanka.
By using the Cannupa - he Sacred Pipe daily and being around people who openly express their faith and belief in good life. I struggle some times AND I may not remember, right away, to keep in mind what I had to go through to be called to the Sundance. I don't always instantly remember that I have been given the gift of life to be a spirit-warrior. I have been given the gift of understanding my suffering... through the Sacred Ceremony of the Sundance.
It is this that allows me to live today and to be with others who ask for help to deal with difficulties with life.
I sat with people who were homeless... most under the influence of drugs, alcohol, solvents and some with mental disorders and most with deep emotional troubles... some acting out violently and disturbed right then and there... AND yet they sat with me and blessed me with their presence... AND they shared in The Sacred Pipe Ceremony with me and other Sundancers! They allowed the strength of the Scared Medicine to be with them right then and there as well.
I have seen this! I have felt this! I know this is true!
I owe my strength to Wakan Tanka and I give my life to help the people live... I am grateful for this gift.
The 112 days of holding the Sacred Pipe Ceremonies outside on the grassy area near Higgins and Main street was a direct result of committing to the Sundance years before. The days spent on the streets with those who suffer are a gift to me... I have become stronger through it. And not strength in toughness or machismo... in heart and soul because I see the gift of suffering. I understand the reason for suffering and I now am strengthened to assist others in lessening this suffering.
Just because suffering results in a wisdom or gift does not mean anyone or everyone must suffer to become a better human being... for sure not. Don't let others suffer! Don't make others suffer! Help them!
The natural way.... is to receive love, care and understanding without any degradation... without any hurts or losses. Just love - complete and fulfilling!
I pray for the strength to keep working to help this world be a better place for us all... regardless of where we are or where we come from. Please be supportive of this way...
Help me help others and help your self by living conscious and aware... You are my strength Wakan Tanka... may I do justice for the people. I pray for guidance and knowing to help others live with less pain and hurts. I am gifted by you Wakan Tanka and I am eternally grateful for this gift. Let me withstand any and all suffering to come and may I be blessed with strength and wisdom to keep my Medicine Strong.
I pray for those helpers who are inundated with wounded people coming to them for help... especially those helpers who are wounded themselves.
The way to freedom is truth, honesty... love. While keeping the openness with safety and honoring of this commitment. This is a knowing and acceptance of the way to live true and this is freedom... living conscious and aware and without compromise of functionality and knowing of relating with others in love- in wellness and health.
To be available to people to help is a great gift... to help with good mind and sense of the situation is the best to do. I have had to address for myself issues that were "un-addressable" by the "helpers" who had not address the same or similar issues in their own lives.
I remember being in front of a few of these helpers and "feeling" something was missing between "us"... as I shared my story of why I was there in front of them and what I was feeling. And as I wrote I realize that I was there in front of them because I was taking them up ON THEIR OFFER to relate to them! Damn! I see now that they hung-out their shingle advertising their ability and their safety and their willingness and the whole bit - to be there for me! To help me! YES!
I write here to give help to others. I offer to walk with others where I have walked and with my experience of healing my self, helping myself and how I did this WITH other human beings AND Wakan Tanka... All of the healing to place with The Creator no doubt... I keep this in mind.
I offer my life energy to walk with others with acknowledgement of truth of where and how and why I have been in this world.
I offer practical solutions to life difficulties... based in the Circle of Life Medicine Way, which is a holistic approach to transforming one's life difficulties into a solution which eventually involves manageable "community" interaction.
My ultimate goal with and of the Circle of Life Medicine Way is to have a "community" center where all peoples can go and explore, experience and engage in freedom.
This is freedom... I will write more later.
Please - I need your support to continue to offer these services to others... Please help in any way you can. The ultimate goal I speak of, is attainable. Take part in the movement to freedom. WE can do this!
Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin, He ce tu welo.
I INVITE YOU TO TAKE PART - WHEREVER YOU ARE!
This place
of free worship, spiritual practice - expression - involvement - inclusion EXISTS! I share about here a place humanly call - "Circle Of Life"...
(I ask for "understanding" of the wording within my sharing here -
I struggle with the use of "conventional worldly terms or words to describe my
vision of freedom of spiritual practice... I am not comfortable with the words to describe expression of connection with
Wakan Tanka and living love) I have been seeing - feeling, experiencing the need of
a simple gathering place free of windows, doors, human-made obstructions and yet have
guidelines (inner acceptance) of peace, love, non-violence and safe. I have had this vision all my life and I know it kept me alive.
I have stayed alive and have quested to become more fully functional - connected to my vision. Through the many times I felt abandoned, lost, and less than and just plain hopeless even when I joined a "structured group of worshippers. In fact especially when I didn't fit into their structure or control issues over my "image" of "Native American man". There is much to this explanation. I have envisioned the place as a result of or because of, my experiences with all the un-safe places I turned to throughout my life. Throughout my life, I felt this place existed, yet, I could not "touch" it... I heard of this place from "others" and could not envision it. I was not free!
I have functioned within societies parameters far too long... I see today, the desire, the wanting - needing love for the placement or setting-up of a "non-religious", natural spiritual place here in Winnipeg. A place where we, you and I, could go to have focused, centered time for conscious and aware connection to the Creator - Wakan Tanka - the Great Mystery. Where are with others and our self - our true self - and be in the way in which we might find peace, harmony and balance in our life and with others and self and our world. You know the whole thing... all relations and all aspects of living.
First off, let me clear, I do not place anything, out of my own power, out of my own "spiritual" energy, here or any where else. I know that I have received an awakening of a wonderful energy within myself through prayer and commitment to be available to others who need helping. I fully realized and accepted a beautiful gift I was given in my life... opened by the suffering I did as a child... and freed through my experiential therapy and strengthened or nurtured through my service work with troubled people on the streets of Winnipeg.
During the time while I sat with people on those ugly places of Winnipeg and sat through their quest for healing from tortuous lives, I became strengthened to be with them. I actually strengthened my ability to walk with others through most of their darkest times AND to help them heal!
While I fully believe that the proper approach to prayer is the way to get stronger... and that in order to heal from original "worldly" problems we must be able to do the whole process of talking, feeling, seeing, and doing the whole process... this is the physical actions or work part of the process... we must walk the talk of our stresses or problems AND know in our hearts and minds what it is we are doing.
All this requires a full process, the engagement of all of our faculties... all of our abilities, so that we may ensure a lasting, effective solution of the problems we face...at least some of us... maybe most of us. and our gifts to be available to our self and to those who we are helping... this is necessary and vital to the fullest healing of anyone.
I speak of preparation beyond the talk and act a if it is OK syndrome of most present healing helping systems. I ask for us to come to the place where we can express what we feel and sort out what you think and be able to admit and openly deal with our "shortcomings" our shame our hurts our pains our connection to one and other and our disconnections.
I know that we were given signs to "heal" and that The Creator sent "beings" to actually tell us of the ways and to show us of these ways... We as the Tatonka Oyate - The Buffalo People, were gifted with Cannupa - the Sacred Pipe, so that we would use it to focus ourselves back to the healthy, well way of living. We were given this "gift" -"this tool" because we failing in our connection - we were dying of dysfunction... were and still are suppressing the enormous pain we have of being oppressed! Our emotional expression is controlled by lifestyle and our society. All of us as human beings are here now... and we need to break free without losing "discipline" or creating more chaos.
It is my vision to have us gather as people of the Rainbow Tribe... all races, all tribes, all "spiritual practices of peace and love and acceptance" in a natural place with the "knowing and acceptance "of sharing with prejudice or fear of others is understood and put to rest - "solutioned"- re-solved - once and for all!
It is my vision to bring the Pipe there and share it while I sit on Mother Earth and through this way, connect to all others... Just the way it happened as I sat on the grassy area outside on all 4 directions / corners of Main Street and Higgins Avenue (the most notorious, diseased corner of Winnipeg)... I experienced the "touch" the actual "feeling" of this vision...
Ironically, I prayed for two separate, yet connected places to heal, because of what I saw within the people who "ran" them... I tried to be there and left because I felt unsafe... and sat outside as I said with people who openly suffered with dis-ease - dysfunction... not so different or far from my own past, present or from my old and new beginnings.
The Circle Of Life exists within us all, it is referred to as the Scared Hoop, as well I see... and now I know that we will make it more visible! You are this Circle Of Life!
I need your help. Please help me to see this place become visible to all of us... trust the process and let it begin with you AND me. We can do it!
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - we are al related, He ce tu Welo -all is well.
I see the water flowing close by with trees and Grandfathers/mothers (rocks) to sit on... I see people of all tribes. There is more, much more. I am inspired.
We are Creations. Given life and ability to create life through relationship. I Invite You To Co-Create With Others - The CIRCLE OF LIFE... I have dedicated this site to the healing of OUR / MY mindset, WE who remain here, that allowed my cousin Mel and countless other human-beings to end their own life through suicide AND those people who did it with the use of drugs, alcohol or other medicators. AND all those o f us who remain - suffering, wondering... searching for what we can do to end this suffering. I believe we can and must create safety for all people to live free- free of all medicators. I believe, that we can put a more open, healthier perspective as to why and how we use confuse our selves and others with behaviors, beliefs, and substances that perpetuate distortions and dis-ease amongst far too many of us. Why we condone what we term "healthy" use of some of societies acceptable substances such as alcohol, prescription drugs, and other behaviors, that include sometimes subtle distorted, dis-eased, disturbed dogma and ideology of some social /religious / political ways. Nurturing the self love (will)... to live free is the hard part for some people who are deemed lost or unreachable... I believe that we can create within our self the place for others to come and begin to experience a sense of safety and hope or whatever way you need to say - a better way of life. The creation of the CIRCLE OF LIFE is within and it is really an awakening of who we truly are as human beings. For some of us we have been blessed with natural life of love and nurturing - safety. For some of we have had to sort out our beginnings and clarify and qualify our freedom through help from other spirit-warriors. I speak of my vision of the CIRCLE OF LIFE as a tangible, physical place - one is an outdoor alter or place outside - naturally situated on Mother Earth, where we come together in co-creation - aware and conscious - to open our hearts in safety for transforming our beliefs and hopes and faith together... as well it is an indoors alter set up within our living quarters that is made up of items and possessions that mean something to our hearts and minds... All include elements of earth, wind, fire, and water and "natural" living... as well as items Sacred to you and your ancestors that co-create peace, harmony and love for all tribes and peoples. The greatest part of the are the CIRCLE OF LIFE is you - your essence of our belief in freedom for all people - your essence of truth - your essence of safety and trust in the process of healing your self... this is the ultimate self love. The CIRCLE OF LIFE is within each and every one of us and it is a physical place... made of our essence. I have been preparing for the CIRCLE OF LIFE to be my reality... I see the truth of it through the suffering of the lives of people that I help on a daily basis... I see the reality of this through my own life and my vivid, pain-filled memories of far too many family, friends, and acquaintances who suffer and die - suddenly and prematurely. I have experienced it into my soul, while looking into the eyes of those people who live - forgotten, thrown-away, lost and suffering - and die all over, not just on the streets. People in dysfunctional dis-eased homes and life systems. I choose to live conscious and aware and to build my positive belief and strengthen my faith that I can and do make a difference in this world. I co-create with you. Pilamaya - I need to say personally to you - Shirley, Shon, Pat, Tom, Grace, Gail, Bud and others who share openly in the realization of the CIRCLE OF LIFE place within - by taking care of yourself and this to me is your love and support. One day we will all be together living in a better world. Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. He ce tu welo - Allis well. |
A warrior stood with the rest of his tribe and said, "You, one whom I called - my Chief - I stand before you in my commitment as a Sundancer to suffer for the people. To stand for those who cannot be free in the way Wakan Tanka has asked. I am placed before you in this commitment to tell you as a Spirit-Warrior... that you must step away from leading the people. You no longer maintain the medicine of the people. You will take the way of medicine to healing and in council. You have no choice.. I take away your power over the people... in the open and in front of all of our tribe, I say this... I hide nothing that needs to be healed. I too, am in need, of understanding of my power, my place in your sickness. I am a warrior and though I stand of and for the people... I must face the greatest battle that goes on inside of me. I am weak at times and as a warrior I will seek freedom through the people by being honorable, open and honest of my struggles... I am still a warrior. I stay to empower this till my last breath."
I Invite You To Help Create The CIRCLE OF LIFE... The process of Recovery is just that... it takes time and most of all it takes ONE - you - me, to say something like, "I have had enough and I want to change this identify the trouble or the dis-ease) and then ASK for help. Is best to go somewhere where you will feel safe. It isn't to easy find safety especially when we have only known such degrading ways as betrayal, neglect, or abuse and the countless ways we can lose our true self. The power of shame is tremendous... shame can keep us away from receiving many gifts... and giving them. Shame is the way and why we judge our self and others. Shame keeps us from letting trust develop. Shame tells that if or when we talk or share about what is hurting is - whether it is something that was done to us or what we've done to others.... it is tough to get at it... easy to cover (dangerous)... usually denied... AND impossible to get free of without trust! It is NOT enough to just talk about what happened and cry... we need to let others walk with us and let them share with us - the energy of what, how, and why... This is a sacred spiritual walk and it takes loving support and time... and choice. We who were left behind did the best we could and we weren't enough for the ones that took their own lives... Just as we are not enough to make anyone stop drugs, alcohol or other dysfunctions... We can ask... and we must demonstrate our own will to live true... then we can help others to have a better chance at living free. I know that there is much more to freedom... much more to the process and much more to share. Let us keep making much more of our ability to function more powerfully and to love more - healthy. Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. He ce tu welo - Allis well. |
Today's Thought: I will look someone in the eyes and say, "I love you."
My intention for today is to be conscious and aware specifically, one other human being, so that I might open my own heart to accepting love...
a little more, than the day before.
Wakan Tanka, I am grateful for my eyes and
the wondrous sights I take in; the beautiful colors; the beautiful people; the beauty of other beings:
and through this - me.
I am gifted... let me always see this. Pilamaya. Akicita Wakan Mani
HEALING IN THE SPIRIT-WARRIOR WAY IS LIKE AN ARTIST, SEEKING TO CREATE THEIR LIFE'S WORK... WORDS DESCRIBE THE PICTURE THEY ENVISION... WITH FEELING AND MOVEMENT AND SOUND - DEEP EXPRESSION - THEY SEEK, THEY AWAKEN, THEY CO-CREATE THEIR COMPLETE LIVING MASTERWORK. YOU ARE THAT ARTIST... THE Co-CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE. The expression of emotions is known to be relieving - for sure. What is truest, is that it is the full expression of the feeling or feelings or emotions, all of it, that is freeing - pure and simple or at least it originally was. AND that this is a complete process not just a happening. Just talking or saying the words, along with tears and or yelling or screaming or may feel real good kind of like an orgasm in sex... the immediate freedom is seen as cathartic... yet the effect, often does not last long. Why? What was left unfinished or not addressed? Many helpers know parts of the whole process, many don't. This process takes conscious and aware (understood and chosen) choice in the first place (after you have decided you've had enough of more hurt and pain, after doing it wrong over and over again!) and then takes commitment to the process... this takes a commitment to trust choose AND to take on the process of life transformation. Yes T - R - U - S - T ! You choose. Choose with all your power! The Spirit-Warrior Way is about making all steps in the process clear. It is about nurturing choice and understand the reason for that choice. It is about being a Strongheart... able to stand in your power beyond the way you were conditioned in your dysfunctional life. It is about being righteous and indomitable, yet able to really understand and confront with support, those old undesirable ways that led to troubled life. This is a process and away to freedom. It is the war of inner self... which I call the spirit-war. The first order of the process, before you have entered into it, is in assuring that the helpers or facilitators are fully present, fully functional in all aspects of life. The next is to ensure a completely safe environment - physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally and all other aspects of wellness and healthiness. This safety includes that of all parties -for all participants (guides and seekers or participants) and the methods and techniques utilized in this personal transformational work. This safety clearly addresses guidelines that clearly state the agreement of safe conscious and aware conduct of all participants. I am Akicita Wakan Mani - I live to see the Circle of Life complete... as best we can with Wakan Tanka. For now I rest... let us rest and grow stronger in truth... love... peace. Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. He ce tu welo - All is well. |
Today's Thought: I seek to fly with
balanced wings, to fly to the sun...
To allow myself to feel the warmth
of the father I so missed.
I struggled to imbalance through worldly ways.
I fell
deep and then was embraced by Mother Earth, served to by an Earth Medicine Woman
I was nurtured to this day and I pray thanks for my breath.
Wakan Tanka, let me always be grateful for my gifts... let me always share this. Pilamaya. Akicita Wakan Mani
THE PROCESS - Accepting Making Ever-Lasting Lasting Change I have
witnessed time and time again... people saying that they have done the type of healing work that I speak of here... the type of deep experiential
transformational work or training - which ever way you want to say it. NOT ALL - some - insist that they've done
"the exact" "same" healing exercise or type of psychotherapy or that they've taken this workshop, training,
seminar or they've read "the book" or studied the subject AND that "they know it or have done it". I have found that the determining factor for true
comparison is the "taking part" in the complete process of the transformational work. When all aspects of the process are taken to the
fullest expression and done safely - it is complete. The methods or techniques the same... where the deep, original or core issues are completely addressed. With understanding, expression and the attachment to living dysfunctional or
disturbed is GONE - resolved - extinguished! And that a maintenance program or
lifestyle change is clearly put into place. As far as issues that I am speaking of... I am speaking of those DEEP, dark issues that are full of shame and fear... issues of violence, sexual violence or neglect,
absence of nurturing positive role modeling and other intense dysfunctional oppressive lifestyle... and these include our self - as victims and victimizers! It is
more acceptable to admit certain issues such as addictions and dysfunctional living... it is those issues that are behind our need to control, deny others freedom of healing expression, of sexual promiscuity or
compulsion and other related issues that involve sex and violence that are the LAST and MOST DIFFICULT issues to deal with... this is
what I am talking of. There are far too many helpers out there "unwilling and unable".... too fearful, too shame based to seek help for these issues let alone ADMIT that they have them. I believe we can heal all things within us... we can go to the deepest part of our being and become so close to how we were created - Wakan or Holy! I believe that we walk the Red Road to become more and more free, every day by getting strength to get rid of shame and fear around things we had no power to get rid of before... those hurtful things that were done to us and those things we did to others AND the ones we did to our self. The fulfillment of the process is not just NOT to do the hurtful things again! IT is about helping others to do their healing.... Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. He ce tu welo - All is well. |
Today's Thought: Life is lived. My body is changing every day. A little older, a little stronger, less physical strength... a little dies and some comes back and some doesn't.
Don't let it take too many days escape... moments of your life-time to go alone... isolated.
It must be taken in,
before it is too late or too old that some things - some people - will physically go away and never come back.
At least not on this plain.
Love is so wonderful and wondrous! It takes a knowing... a choice.
I could hear the message - Make peace within your own heart and grow to let someone share this with you each and every day.
Do it with connection of your eyes, your arms - a gentle, reassuring hug. I was nurtured to this day and I pray thanks for my breath.
May I realize that my ability to move around physically... maybe stay real busy... or travel a lot or work and "collect" money will not keep anyone close... May I accept that I need to nourish and nurture my life with all my faculties - conscious and aware - with healthy belief and faith - that it is my choice and that it is entirely up to me to be open - to invite others into my space... So that in the end... of my time here... my life will have been blessed with true companionship - love.
Wakan Tanka, let all the "powerful self sufficient" people be open to closeness ... let me know all the experience of accepting love... forever.
Pilamaya - Thank you,
Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
He ce tu Welo - All is well.
Akicita Wakan Mani
IF I have a living problem...then I realize that I have had have enough of it and then I come to actually ASKING for help... How will I or Can I... keep in mind this - When I had the problem did I
FEEL EMOTIONS when I was in the problem? Or did I just think them? And when I thought about the problem did I become overwhelmed or stressed-out "thinking" about the problem? What was that? Was it the thought or the feeling? Is their
a difference between thinking and feeling? You betcha! Is I t one or the other or both? And did I freely choose to ask for help or was I forced to ask for help? And if I did ask for help, am I admitting that
I am weak or hopeless or that I could not solve my own problems? A lot
to think about - a lot to cause confusion. Wow! What is going on! Most unfortunately, for all of us mere mortals, it takes or requires that we actually do or redo the emotions. Part of it is
to know them - what and how they are inside of us. Doing them helps us
to embrace them and realize the old saying that emotions are "God-given" and actually OK. Oh these feelings that we are trying to be free of. They are sometimes very painful or stressful to feel
or squash down - deny! Be aware! It's Ok!! Relax - we all have feelings and we all have emotions AND they are the same...what we do because of them can be different and really is. Basic emotions are doable and when we try to overpower the natural expression of emotions- we will become susceptible to all kinds of problems. Things like drug addiction and violence and war and murder and the destruction of our Mother Earth. So today I will share what I think and deal with the feelings that come up. And for today, I am staying open to just being real without hurting anyone. There are no shortcuts - only - healthy helpers. Pilamaya - Thank you, Help Co-Create the Circle of Life Lodge. Your support would be greatly appreciated P.O. BOX 45114 Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. He ce tu welo - All is well. |
Today's Thought: Thinking POSITIVE is powerful... AND - NOT BUT! When the emotional energy returns or comes up because of certain environmental stimulation (stress) or a close intimate relationship that causes similar pained or trouble reactions to old problems... what happens to us inside? Feelings come up and these are emotions and can be trouble, especially if you have little or no positive skills in dealing with emotions. If you intend to live fully interactive and functional... do your emotional homework this is real life and with discipline you can have it all.
There are no shortcuts to dealing with life's problems... Look for healthy help.
How Does a Person Separate Their Personal Dysfunction From Their Quest to do Service Work to Help Others? The kind of help I am speaking of is where all people are provided help for healing and wellness... services for physical, mental and social health and wellness to all people... not just people that you are comfortable with or people that are easy to serve - you know - the ones who easily access the system... those ones who come back time and time again? The kind of Personal Dysfunction I am speaking of is - Their Deep. Inner Personal Biases, Prejudices, Racist Views and Dogma about others because of their known and unknown history of these others) In my service work, I continuously come across marginalized, victimized, oppressed people... most are Native American people - victimized by other Native American people!. This leads me to this question... What about the leadership and all the money that is put into providing health and wellness services for socially and economically disadvantaged people. What keeps happening to the leadership... those well-meaning citizens - people, (positive) who step up and accept a leadership role in our communities (Reservations and cities or towns) and then usually (likely)... most of them end up doing poor, inadequate jobs... yet most of these people will group together in order to remain in "power"... and they do so for long periods of time. They work together to coerce, intimidate, manipulate, and go as far as to steal (mismanage or misappropriate money) to stay in control.... in the end - create even more ingrained, deeper social problems... with a segment of society that will never be reached!. Beware they may be at your door one day or with you, on the street or at a bus stop or at your car in a parking lot or with your child at the playground or party. What happens? What happened? Why does this happen? It is an ongoing struggle for the "Aboriginal" people (Native American Indians are referred to as Aboriginal here in Canada)... It is an ongoing struggle for most, if not all these people who choose to take on the humongous task of leading the people. I am talking of those "ordinary" local people, who decide to make a difference and politicians who step and health and wellness to take a conclusive hold on the
Did you know that the suicide rate for Native American Indians is at least 6 times higher than the national rate!!! Why? Apathy is not the only problem - it's also about being ruthless about ignoring the real dis-ease that afflicts us... shame Pilamaya - Thank you, P.O. BOX 45114 Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. He ce tu welo - All is well. |
The Spirit-Warrior here strives to resolve through sharing, understanding and cleansing old beliefs and ideologies... through releasing fully all old fears and pains that cause them to react in dysfunctional ways when "challenged" by others, some that come to ask or demand or "challenge" for help.
Please know that we all... are warriors... The "war" is within... meaning that we bring about a union of our hearts and minds... a union of our beliefs. hope, and faith... to strengthen our quest to be with ALL others in a balanced and harmonious way... beyond tolerance or avoidance... In Inner PEACE... peace that is sustained and maintained through YOUR OWN PERSONAL inner health and wellness.
I am asked if I am an Elder, I am asked if I am a Medicine Man, I am asked if I am a healer, I am asked if I am a Warrior... I answer - Whatever you choose to call me... I am Akicita Wakan Mani - Spirit-Warrior Walks - a man, who strives to live in peace... by cleansing through out my entire being and my environment... living conscious and aware... and yet I stand for others, who are marginalized or minimized or victimized by distorted views and teachings or leading by "disturbed" others... I am a Peacekeeper and a human being willing to give my life for peace.
Of the 100 or so days of praying outside on the ugly streets of the core of Winnipeg, with disadvantaged, hurt, homeless people, who were actively drunk, sniffed-up, violent and troubled... they sat with me and prayed with Cannupa -the Scared Pipe. I really felt - FEAR! Fear and yet - I KNEW - that I was protected by the Creator - Wakan Tanka.
I sat there to help others to find some semblance of peace within their heart and minds. I tried to help them to take in that they were good enough and that another human being cared enough for them, to sit with them, in their place of utter despair and hopelessness. I asked them to pray for me... with me.. to help me strengthen my quest - my journey because I needed them! I needed them to help me stand up and live healthy and well.
I am a Spirit-Warrior. Not tough, just willing to live my quest to heal myself and help others.
Let peace begin within you and stand for others... see the truth and stand for it. Pilamaya - Thank you.
IS IT DESIRE TO EASE SUFFERING? - THE WANT TO? THE NEED TO? TO LEARN, TO ACCEPT, TO UNDERSTAND... THEN, TO GO THROUGH WITH, TO ACTUALLY DO THE DEEP EMOTIONAL WORK - THE EXPERIENTIAL, TRANSFORMATIONAL HEALING WORK NECESSARY, SO THAT YOU, WE CAN, THEY CAN, SAFELY AND THOROUGHLY ADDRESS THE DEEPEST OF LIFE'S ISSUES - ISSUES THAT AFFECT PEOPLE'S ABILITY TO RELATE, FULLY AND PEACEFULLY FUNCTIONAL TO ONE AND OTHER AND TO OUR MOTHER EARTH AND TO ALL OTHERS BEINGS IN THE UNIVERSE. My work is helping or assisting people in ending the deep seeded mistrust for "helpers / healers / and those people and methods of the present "psycho-social-spiritual" healing methods. Yes I am now including "spiritual"! I am including this because of the use or should say the misuse of religion and / or spirituality in the healing / helping process. It us my hope that I can lessen the hurts and pains of mistrust of dealing with living troubles... that so many of us, NOT just Native American Indians, who continue to plagued with. As I have been writing about my work in assisting others to heal through my work... and as I was sitting on the streets with active addicts and impoverished damaged people praying with them... as well in my interaction or visits to other places of healing I see more and more; learn more and more; I get more and more requests from people asking me to explain, deeper, more intricately... more specifically about the process (what is it I actually do - the steps and movement - even the words or wording I use) within this transformational work (process) that I assist people in doing. I am understanding more about this great need most people have to ease their mistrust. Their deep need to get as much information and knowledge of and about the methods and methods. Almost everyone who has contacted me, including those who have actually worked with me, have made it clear that they needed to ask questions and they needed full, understandable, answers to all their questions. Many wanted to get a emotional sense of the emotional energy that would actually be experienced without actually doing the work. What has become peacefully acceptable to me, evident to me is that I needed to answer all questions in a respectful, appropriate manner so that that they would feel SAFE - with the process and me. Whatever the reason, it is so important to share as much about the process here as information I have AND as much experience as I have. Through this trust is nurtured and fostered in all of us who are taking this incredible journey together. It is all part of the process. The process begins with the thought. The thought of "I need to change something." or "I need to get help." It - the process - is a spiritual journey and begins inside us. And so if there is a over abundance of fear - even terror - then we must address this as we go for help... and help begins in our minds, our hearts, our physical, our relationships... and we must address all these aspects. This is why I refer to the Circle of Life Medicine Way... this way has defined the process of healing even more for me. Hece tu welo - All is well. Pilamaya. In my innocence, OK, ignorance, I see it - explaining what to do, pointing out he problem and the "simple" steps of doing this deep scary work... For me it seems simple and easy to "talk" about it and to write about it because I have done so much of this deep already, that I think it just is easy as writing about it. I realize that it isn't even simple to explain.. the more I speak about it to other people of various professions and expertise and lifestyle. I see that there is a great need... to not only understand the issue of trust... and for the explaining of the process, sharing it, teaching it and accepting that it a spiritual process This is very difficult for those of us who have been victimized AND / OR those of us who have victimized and feel real untrusting, even shame-based amongst other dysfunctions. The process begins as the Circle of Life Medicine Way teaches us... all things are spiritual... all thought, wishes, hopes, actions and all things we do - is spiritual and has a spiritual energy. Pilamaya - Thank you Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. |
I will write more regarding this and then I will place it with the process info.
and qualify for trust issues.
Visit here again... I will be expanding on this sharing. Please write to me at my email address AND implore you to let me add your writings that express your wishes dreams and hope for healing our world and our people.
The Greatest Gift is... I could smell the delicious smell of baking breads and pastries, as we approached the corner bakery as we walked down Dufferin Avenue towards Main Street. It was summer, I was 6 years old, I was with my mother and one of my older brother Tommy. I remember looking out onto the street and seeing a woman slowly, struggling to cross the street. I didn't know this word disabled, I didn't even know why... I saw her legs were twisted and appeared to be wrapped one in front of the other, making her, what I thought as, grimacing in pain.
I remember starting to cry. Then... I don't know why. I was just a little boy and I felt something... a connection to her struggle... to her being alone... to her distorted body... I don't know. I remember my mother asking in some distant way, "What's the matter?" My brother looked and laughed. He laughed, innocently, not mockingly, uncomfortable, like most children would. I didn't feel them - I felt her - the woman who was crossing the street without anyone with her.
There were many times in my life when I connected to others, including other beings - the four-legged, the winged ones and the ones that crawl. Painfully, I learned that my feelings were not good... and it was so many times - a very hard lesson.
I will write more later this day... Jimmy, Pilamaya
Compassion... Recovery requires recognition of the people, we will meet along on the Red Road... the road of healing, helping... of honest self change. I believe that while ALL PEOPLE are "helpers".... some are intent to do this directly positive and some sadly, are not!
Then there are degrees of intent. For most of us, who, for all intents and purposes, actively work to or just wish to make effective change, it is extremely chancy in some cases, as to who, what, and how we share our issues we want to heal or our pasts. Learn to recognize these aspects of recovery or "life" and you will learn what got you this way in the first place.
I think, initially, we all wish to make change within others, not our self (first)... those close to us are safer to work on or judge or control... so we think... for some of us - this is why we choose our field of "help or service work". So we can have people we can work with or "work on" and feel better about our own life and our own "false" self.
It is very important that on your journey that you keep you heart eyes open... because - For a while in the initial stages of recovery, it can be difficult to keep one's "self-compassion", especially when you have been a victim of abuse or neglect... then you are intent on being open and honest about your healing process... including your abuse of others or leading an abusive-abusing lifestyle. While healing requires devolution of past hurts to others, it is important to heal your deep emotions about shame specifically around and about your behaviors or actions that you did AND those things done to you.
Compassion is your right and it requires honesty and forgiveness of one's own "hurtful ways to others"... AND requires you to address WHY and HOW you did what you did!
The very first or initial cause or reason for anyone's hurtful-dysfunctional behavior (in the first place) is the energy or fuel to feeling even more shame (or feeling shame again)... especially when you go out an speak to others about healing from your family-of-origin beginnings and lifestyle.
You will face people who have been victimized and people who have victimized others themselves. It is human nature that, we "fight" back to stop the abuse or to end the neglect... AND in doing so we outright or inadvertently "strike" back or out to make change... we do something to change things. Hopefully it is not perpetuating the "hurts and pains and shames" that we already have grown accustomed to.
More to come...
Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin, Hece tu welo.
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| Peace speaks... It is not quiet, Nor is it invisible. Peace is courageous. And peace can be costly. Peace is more than just not fighting another any longer. Peace is lovingly interacting. Peace is cooperative and cohesive. Peace is living with Acceptance... Sundancers, Pipe Carrier, all people... I ask you to pray for Kelly S. and Ellen. Pray for all others near Kelly. Please pray for his safety and healing... help Kelly to know that he can live in peace in his heart. Let Kelly know that he is cared for - loved. Help Kelly to understand that he will come to know true freedom from his worries and concerns of life... We pray this for you Kelly - Our Brother. Wakan Tanka - Creator, hear our prayer. Ah Hau! |
"I Owe It All To You." - by Jimmy La Vallee 2006-11-26. I wake each morning, knowing that I breathe... Father Sunshine lights my steps. My heart beats with Mother Earth. I am alive... feeling, seeing... internally. That I
I owe it all to you. I owe it all to you. I owe it all to you. My will to persevere, pains, shames and those long sad, sad times... I ride the winds of freedom and see our true side. I owe it all to you. I owe it all to you. I owe it all to you. Cradled by Mother Earth, protected from birth, I live. I owe it all to you. I owe it all to you.
Strongheart came for me, telling me well be free... and I live for this today. I owe it all to you.
Learning The Process and Doing the Healing Changes
Reading is good! Studying is great! Doing is scary! Learning techniques or getting the education does not give you the practical personal experience of life. Certainly not allowing you deal with why you seek the "knowing" knowledge about "life" - your life and how to have... find and keep - happiness, peace, and love.
growing, Healing, or Changing fro the better... you will require knowledge... for sure.
After all, they say.. "Knowledge is power!"
The Circle Of Life Lodge exists! It is a reality! I have seen it! I realize now that it is always been here with us.- - with me. I saw it, as I sat on the streets with people who were sniffed-up, drunk, hung-over, mentally or emotionally disturbed or disoriented... They sat with me and with other Sundancers and pipe carriers and I saw it! The Circle Of Life Lodge is the world and the people in it... people who seek natural interaction with one and other... people who want or need to connect... AND people who are willing to share their truth - their real situation - their way of living - their physical, mental, emotional, relational ways of life... this is spirit! This is LIFE! The Circle Of Life is all things, all beings, all creatures, all things, including Mother Earth, the breath, the air, Father sun, all elements... and it is the Universe. All of the human being, as
Wakan Tanka has created this. The Circle Of Life is forever never ending... it is not created nor destroyed! I saw people come and share the Scared Pipe... in the way I was taught and I saw people connect, some seeming for a moment... yet I know it was forever! Some came and sat and went away and left this world to be with Wakan Tanka as we all will one day. I see the Circle Of Life and I share this with you... in the belief that we can and will find peace, balance and harmony and love... I seek to have a "physical building" - The Circle Of Life Lodge... and a
separate labyrinth place outside near water, to represent and honor the Circle Of Life. This is what I pray for... ask for... need help with. To internalize this place here - Where we will come together to share naturally, yet truly, our beliefs and faith, and consciously blend them together in peace and non-violating harmony... together for allowing health and love... to permeate all in our connection through Mother Earth. Circle Of life Lodge |
I acknowledge a beautiful, Human Being... Cam Hamoline... Minister from "The Center For Conscious Living" He is an inspiration to me and through his will to be a fully functional human being I am blessed very much!! His sharing of his words and his knowledge / ideas inspired me to write the following... Pilamaya Cam.
Should you decide you want to heal from something that is causing you living problems.... whether it is violence or addiction or sexual dysfunction or raging or depression... etc, etc... and you ask for help. Then you actually go for it - help that is... GET READY!
You will probably - most likely.... have to say something like this... You will have to say out loud... clearly, emphatically.... here goes
- We are all here to co-create healthy fellowship with other human beings
to allow us
me
to be open to grow personally in all ways, through sharing and listening, in a gentle, support manner creating a safe environment with other Men here.
Together as men we - I will come to a greater understanding and acceptance of my self and others.
This group is based in spiritual growth, And it is through the Sacred Teachings of - The Circle of Life Way.... that we will come to a greater, healthier understanding who we are - The Physical, The Mental, The Emotional, and The Relational aspects of our life force
and that we and all aspects of life and living are Spiritual.
We gather to know a better life - healthier and happier - empowered through knowing our self - growing in our ability to be caring, nurturing and fully functional human beings, in this world including with our self and others.
Together, with you, I create and hold a safe, nurturing, environment and atmosphere here, where all talk and issues will be resolved in a peaceful, loving manner. We keep focused on our guidelines, that together, openly, and supportively, we - you and I, celebrate the Presence of the Creator God, in our lives
by reading, sharing and praying together. Growing together. Now.
You will have clear group guidelines something like this... Our steps to our process of sharing in our healing and growing. Whoever has it - please start it and pass it over to next person to you, so we all get a chance to share in the reading. Anyone who does not want to read can simply pass it on.
Keeping in mind that we use daily affirmations... these readings are to start the process... to stimulate our thoughts and feelings, And that we are here to share about what is important to us personally issues or concerns I have in my daily living. Remember, Keep sharing to the point, don't go on and on intellectualizing or "controlling through hording time" get to say what you mean and mean what you say from your heart share from your personal place - speaking about our self using I, ME, MY statements and not WE or THEM or US or THEY We must keep our mind and eyes open, staying focused and conscious and aware that we are here are on a healing journey. We support one and other by listening actively, without interrupting in any way. Showing respect that we are here to clear-up and clean-out old dysfunctional actions or behaviors, thinking or beliefs, acts and reactions to stress in our lives and in our relationships. When you are finished please say something to indicate that you have finished your sharing. Please all group members Respond by saying the following affirmation: I see you, I hear you together we support you (Their name) , with loving kindness.
A prayer. Let us stand and join hands to unite our energy in peace and in love without manipulation or fear
No shame
I personally take in that I live fully functional and that I am worth all the love in the world
And as I stand here with you and God as my witness, that together with my commitment to be here and to take in this healthy support
and that I will also give you my healthy support Together we will grow stronger
empowered
in our, in my personal health
happiness
and love
with myself and others. I know and believe that by talking things our here and with The Creator, talking about what hurts, angers or pains or causes me shame, that I will be able to live free and be a healthier, happier, fulfilled, man
a kind, loving, gentle, man. And so it is
Groups that I run will have a prayer... something like this...
Please join me in the Opening prayer.
Opening prayer:
Wakan Tanka God
Here, through sharing our personal steps together, our walk
our Journey, in an open honest way
by having and showing the willingness to be patient, and sensitive and caring with other men, we will learn to grow as full functioning loving, nurturing, caring human beings
for our self and others.
We learn and grow through this healthy healing fellowship, creating a safe, encouraging and supportive environment here, guided by healthy helpers, we will come to know a greater freedom we will live in peace in all ways, free of violence, free to express our faith, beliefs and dreams with balance and harmony. With other men here, as our witnesses and support, we will experience life and love in a greater, more powerful way Living life as God meant it to be In Loving Kindness. I ask for this moment, this time for me to accept myself and the other men here I pray for guidance - Guide my heart on my journey, right here and now to learn this. - He ce Tu welo - All will be well."
The Circle Of Life Lodge exists! It is a reality! I have seen it! I realize now that it is always been here with us.- - with me. I saw it, as I sat on the streets with people who were sniffed-up, drunk, hung-over, mentally or emotionally disturbed or disoriented... They sat with me and with other Sundancers and pipe carriers and I saw it! The Circle Of Life Lodge is the world and the people in it... people who seek natural interaction with one and other... people who want or need to connect... AND people who are willing to share their truth - their real situation - their way of living - their physical, mental, emotional, relational ways of life... this is spirit! This is LIFE! The Circle Of Life is all things, all beings, all creatures, all things, including Mother Earth, the breath, the air, Father sun, all elements... and it is the Universe. All of the human being, as
Wakan Tanka has created this. The Circle Of Life is forever never ending... it is not created nor destroyed! I saw people come and share the Scared Pipe... in the way I was taught and I saw people connect, some seeming for a moment... yet I know it was forever! Some came and sat and went away and left this world to be with Wakan Tanka as we all will one day. I see the Circle Of Life and I share this with you... in the belief that we can and will find peace, balance and harmony and love... I seek to have a "physical building" - The Circle Of Life Lodge... and a
separate labyrinth place outside near water, to represent and honor the Circle Of Life. This is what I pray for... ask for... need help with. To internalize this place here - Where we will come together to share naturally, yet truly, our beliefs and faith, and consciously blend them together in peace and non-violating harmony... together for allowing health and love... to permeate all in our connection through Mother Earth. Circle Of life Lodge |
Spirit-Warrior Way
In helping people, I share about my own story - my personal life... I do this to show that trauma and abuse histories and experiences can be overcome. With a willingness to be honest and open. As well, I share to lessen the "clients" shame or reluctance to expose their victimhood AND their own victimization of others. There are other benefits to sharing your own story as a healer / helper... the basic goal is to be human and show willingness to be vulnerable and real.
The most unfortunate fact of this approach is that, SOME - NOT ALL people, are so conditioned to KNOWINGLY strike-out, violating-lee or violently, at anyone that looks or appears as "weak" or "shameful" because they are that is what they have learned as children! With these people they choose to act out negatively... they will not back off from "fighting" or "finding fault" with you or "twisting or distorting" the focus of the work being done with them. Some will turn the "work" or relating as a" romantic relationship" or "ambiguous intimate friendship" where they minimize your ability to help them and they "turn it" around as become "defensive" because you are attacking them - causing them to feel worse about themselves.
It is important that you are honest about your own life, your own healing of your problems, your own history... to the point that the "client" understands AND ACCEPTS that you have successfully resolved these issues or problems! These types of people or clients need to have this information up front so that they can make their choice with all this information AND it is very important that you get them to speak to someone else in order that they get support and or validation for their safety. AND yours!
It is important not to solicit that you can help these people or anyone for that matter... not even, to ask them if they need help.
All people who suffer, have their limits... some, if not all, before they reach that point almost dying from their dis-ease, or from having enough ugly life or to the point where someone has had enough of their mistreatment or negative behaviors... have hurt someone else!!! This is a common result of suffering or living dysfunctional... hurt and hurting.
I am aware that when someone comes to me for help that I must get them to grab onto the reality of our relationship... that we are "friends" without any history of abuse - no history of violating between us - no connection to shame or degradation or belittling... none whatsoever!
They must see this with their eyes open and when necessary have a third person, witness this fact for them and with them.
I believe that when you decide that you want help, that you will at hat point have had enough of suffering AND you will welcome a Spirit-Warrior who will walk with you... someone who will not accept abuse for you or from you or with you and they will not sexualize you or manipulate or deceive you in any way... they will be open and honest about their life AND they will explain the techniques and methods that they will use with you.
When there is no respect and honoring of the process, when reality of the agreement to heal in safety with NO VIOLENCE, is broken or thrown aside... when one person loses "sight" of the function of the relating as allies... Then there is no safety!
It can be at this point that the third person qualified person can be brought in.
I, in The Spirit-Warrior Way, offer myself... and I am about connecting on a human being level - it is not about lessening my ability or power or energy as healer / helper because I say I have had to address some deep hurtful problems... I am not open to subjecting myself to abuse or misuse from anyone... and I certainly realize that when someone is allowed to hurt you or anyone else - including themselves... and I or you do not "confront" or "check it out" then you / I are allowing or perpetuating the violence.
I, as a Sundancer, understand my pledge - my commitment - to stand up for others who cannot defend themselves. I also understood that I must heal my own dysfunctions and speak open and honest about my walk, my journey. I walk this (NOT TRY) and I let, no one, take me from this.
I believe that Wakan Tanka, protects me and protects all who seek the courage to address their shame and pains... with a willingness to trust the process of healing based in a common faith and belief in - Wakan Tanka or which ever way you express your love!
He ce tu welo - All is well! Mitakuye Oyasin - we are all related, Pilamaya - Thank you.
I pray for Kelly S. I am her for you and support your quest to live in peace.
I acknowledge Cam Hamoline... a beautiful, Human Being... Minister from "The Center For Conscious Living" He is an inspiration to me and through his will to be a fully functional human being I am blessed very much!! His sharing of his words and his knowledge / ideas inspired me to write the following... I walk with you. Pilamaya Cam.
The Circle Of Life Lodge exists! It is a reality! I have seen it! I realize now that it is always been here with us.- - with me. I saw it, as I sat on the streets with people who were sniffed-up, drunk, hung-over, mentally or emotionally disturbed or disoriented... They sat with me and with other Sundancers and pipe carriers and I saw it! The Circle Of Life Lodge is the world and the people in it... people who seek natural interaction with one and other... people who want or need to connect... AND people who are willing to share their truth - their real situation - their way of living - their physical, mental, emotional, relational ways of life... this is spirit! This is LIFE! The Circle Of Life is all things, all beings, all creatures, all things, including Mother Earth, the breath, the air, Father sun, all elements... and it is the Universe. All of the human being, as Wakan Tanka has created this. The Circle Of Life is forever never ending... it is not created nor destroyed! I saw people come and share the Scared Pipe... in the way I was taught and I saw people connect, some seeming for a moment... yet I know it was forever! Some came and sat and went away and left this world to be with Wakan Tanka as we all will one day. I see the Circle Of Life and I share this with you... in the belief that we can and will find peace, balance and harmony and love... I seek to have a "physical building" - The Circle Of Life Lodge... and a separate labyrinth place outside near water, to represent and honor the Circle Of Life. This is what I pray for... ask for... need help with. To internalize this place here - Where we will come together to share naturally, yet truly, our beliefs and faith, and consciously blend them together in peace and non-violating harmony... together for allowing health and love... to permeate all in our connection through Mother Earth. Circle Of life Lodge |
I was read a poem included in an obituary for a young man who was taken off life support and allowed to cross over... The poem said how he was leaving things unfinished and the poem described all the beautiful environment, happiness and things he was leaving behind... all the friends and all the love he was "losing". A grieving relative called me and expressed tears, sadness and historical grief. I asked of when was the last time he was seen and talked to... it had been a while. I asked - was he drinking or high that night, the night he was found, with what became - a fatal head injury? Sadly, he died. Sad he died alone. Sad he died without knowing if he fell or was beaten... sad he died alone. I hear the grief of many people... I hear about the suicides, the murders, the accepted use of poisons like alcohol, prescription and illegal drugs and ineffective safe sex programs and I wonder - NOT WHY! But when will we become proactive and start approaching our family members, our friends, our tribal people, our associates, our other human being sand say, "Can I talk to you, about me... about you helping me... be a better human being to you?" Or something like, "I see you alone often and I wish to be a better friend... I am afraid that you may find me offensive or that I may come across as an idiot or a phony for sticking my nose in your business... I... I am learning to be a caring human being." Let's be proactive and get ready to welcome others to life... not to prepare them or anyone for death or prepare our selves... writing nice obituaries that forget why we succumbed to living in isolation and despair... even as our relatives gather again and again... us and to mourn a thousand before us. He crossed over, more than likely he was murdered... sadly, he was alone... sadly, more than likely drunk or drugged. Many grieve him. Many grieved before he left. Because we have such a disconnection from our hearts, we will go on and miss another and another... as they die alone... and then, one day, it will be you / me. Write a poem about the one who passes on - for sure... AND write a letter or better yet, go and see that special someone to you, that human being that you will miss, if or when they die... do this and you will live your love for them and your self. I realize that this is a stretch and not an accepted social thing to do... start with friends and move on to family and to strangers!! Wow!! Walking this Red Road is hard - not lonely. Don't walk it alone... ask someone to pray for you. And they won't die alone - no matter what. Wakan Tanka blesses us Kolas with strength and will. |
Spirit-Warrior Way
I pray for Kelly S. I am her for you and support your quest to live in peace.
I acknowledge Cam Hamoline... a beautiful, Human Being... Minister from "The Center For Conscious Living" He is an inspiration to me and through his will to be a fully functional human being I am blessed very much!! His sharing of his words and his knowledge / ideas inspired me to write the following... I walk with you. Pilamaya Cam.
The Circle Of Life Lodge exists! It is a reality! I have seen it! I realize now that it is always been here with us.- - with me. I saw it, as I sat on the streets with people who were sniffed-up, drunk, hung-over, mentally or emotionally disturbed or disoriented... They sat with me and with other Sundancers and pipe carriers and I saw it! The Circle Of Life Lodge is the world and the people in it... people who seek natural interaction with one and other... people who want or need to connect... AND people who are willing to share their truth - their real situation - their way of living - their physical, mental, emotional, relational ways of life... this is spirit! This is LIFE! The Circle Of Life is all things, all beings, all creatures, all things, including Mother Earth, the breath, the air, Father sun, all elements... and it is the Universe. All of the human being, as Wakan Tanka has created this. The Circle Of Life is forever never ending... it is not created nor destroyed! I saw people come and share the Scared Pipe... in the way I was taught and I saw people connect, some seeming for a moment... yet I know it was forever! Some came and sat and went away and left this world to be with Wakan Tanka as we all will one day. I see the Circle Of Life and I share this with you... in the belief that we can and will find peace, balance and harmony and love... I seek to have a "physical building" - The Circle Of Life Lodge... and a separate labyrinth place outside near water, to represent and honor the Circle Of Life. This is what I pray for... ask for... need help with. To internalize this place here - Where we will come together to share naturally, yet truly, our beliefs and faith, and consciously blend them together in peace and non-violating harmony... together for allowing health and love... to permeate all in our connection through Mother Earth. Circle Of life Lodge |
| You can please some of the people some of the time... Just about everyday, I talk with someone who tells me they have difficulty with emotions or perceptions about emotions. Some after they've read this web site get quite candid and some, I think become quite uncomfortable... so they pull the.... oh I never had it as bad as you or others reasoning to their disconnection from life's emotions. It is my experience, that there so many people, who are not really in conscious denial about the purpose or function or effect of emotions... in their life! While they are knowledgeable about feelings or emotions... you feel - you do - you don't let it get to you... really! And while some of these people could be sitting there with a cigarette or beer in their hand while they are talking about this.... or be with dealing with a friend or relative who is trouble with a drug or sexual problem and STILL - they will not admit that they are effected! E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L-L-Y. Even after they openly say that they would lie to deal with issues in their life... Surprisingly, After I share my personal experience, they will usually be the first to say how "bad" you have had it in life, even after you have shared about specific difficulties you had in your life... and even after or though you've spelt out specifically, that you've worked these things out and through specific help (qualified, professional) - And still!!! SOME OF THESE PEOPLE will "wonder" out-loud... BOY! You had it rough!... and then, "say something like - Did you get over it- the hurt? Or did you get well? Or did you heal from your injury?... they can focus on your effects, never connecting that these are EMOTIONAL effects. Hey you Human beings! You or they, either, become disconnected from your emotions or these emotions become so distorted that they are all messed up and your emoting beyond what the present situation calls for... and thereby, creating more shame or pain or whatever is uncomfortable. And you will draw more discomfort from those around you. I have had people say, "I never had it as bad as you" or "They did the best they (parents or caregivers) at least they didn't drink They can say they are having a difficult time and or that all they need to do is, something like... "think" positive and "it" or "they" (both them and the other involved) will get over it! It is powerful for you to address your emotions and to know within - that no matter what you say or do - there will be those people who will deny or stay ignorant to just how out of touch they are in dealing with THEIR emotional energy- NEGATIVE AFFECTING EMOTIONAL ENERGY! MOST of these people will not Or cannot face how and why they are having to still use "recreational" alcohol or drugs or sex or intellectualizing or work holism etc., etc., Yet they can see the damage and or effects in and on others! EMOTIONS that is... I am no longer amazed with the people who are out of touch with the functionality of emotions in themselves and / or others. I still insist that we need to express our TRUE EMOTIONS - get them out - sort them out - LOSE THE SHAME over having feelings or sensitivity or "talking" of hurts, pains, shames, negative down things in life that "bring every one and everything down... positive thinking will make it better and "joining" the group will be better... kind of like being told to "be good and just get along and you will feel better".... It is shame that causes so much problems... people control because of shame... racism and prejudice is because of shame and ignorance in educated people is shameful... It is OK to feel and it is OK to deal with emotions and to resolve ALL EMOTIONS... Just find the safe place and safe people and do it till you can't do it no more and till you don't need to anymore AND learn to think positive ALONG WITH THE FULL EMOTING... get balanced with your emotions and their expression and you will live in more control of your life!! Without controlling other people's expressions... other people's freedom... don't bury your head in the sand about emotions and the power of hearing them and allowing others to learn true balanced expression... Walking this Red Road is hard - not lonely. YET it is OK to admit to be lonely. Work all this out with someone you trust. Don't walk it alone... ask someone to pray with you and for you. And you or they won't die alone - no matter what. You will live free of unresolved emotions. Wakan Tanka blesses us Kolas with strength and will to express our truth... to straighten out any and all misconceptions and distorted living difficulties without further shame or pain. |
Spirit-Warrior Way
For Kelly S... A young man who is thought of here. Peace and love go to you Kelly S. I am her for you and support your quest to live in peace.
Cam Hamoline... a beautiful, Human Being... Head Minister from "The Center For Conscious Living" ... a powerful healthy leader...keep strong in sharing your heart and wisdom
| The Circle Of Life Lodge exists! It is a reality! I have seen it! I realize now that it is always been here with us.- - with me. I saw it, as I sat on the streets with people who were sniffed-up, drunk, hung-over, mentally or emotionally disturbed or disoriented... They sat with me and with other Sundancers and pipe carriers and I saw it! The Circle Of Life Lodge is the world and the people in it... people who seek natural interaction with one and other... people who want or need to connect... AND people who are willing to share their truth - their real situation - their way of living - their physical, mental, emotional, relational ways of life... this is spirit! This is LIFE! The Circle Of Life is all things, all beings, all creatures, all things, including Mother Earth, the breath, the air, Father sun, all elements... and it is the Universe. All of the human being, as Wakan Tanka has created this. The Circle Of Life is forever never ending... it is not created nor destroyed! I saw people come and share the Scared Pipe... in the way I was taught and I saw people connect, some seeming for a moment... yet I know it was forever! Some came and sat and went away and left this world to be with Wakan Tanka as we all will one day. I see the Circle Of Life and I share this with you... in the belief that we can and will find peace, balance and harmony and love... I seek to have a "physical building" - The Circle Of Life Lodge... and a separate labyrinth place outside near water, to represent and honor the Circle Of Life. This is what I pray for... ask for... need help with. To internalize this place here - Where we will come together to share naturally, yet truly, our beliefs and faith, and consciously blend them together in peace and non-violating harmony... together for allowing health and love... to permeate all in our connection through Mother Earth. Circle Of life Lodge |
Providing that the facilitators are healthy - FULLY! They must be strengthened, in becoming healthy, fully functional, emotionally available facilitators.
I believe in the psycho-Social-Mental-Health system and the Spiritual Love of the Universe... yet for me, ultimately, for me as a Native American Indian - I have come to know that must go home... I know deep inside that the Scare Ceremonies prepare me for this walk... I know you know this as well, my fellow travelers... I feel this very strong!
You can please some of the people some of the time... Just about everyday, I talk with someone who tells me they have difficulty with emotions or perceptions about emotions. Some after they've read this web site get quite candid and some, I think become quite uncomfortable... so they pull the.... oh I never had it as bad as you or others reasoning to their disconnection from life's emotions. It is my experience, that there so many people, who are not really in conscious denial about the purpose or function or effect of emotions... in their life! While they are knowledgeable about feelings or emotions... you feel - you do - you don't let it get to you... really! And while some of these people could be sitting there with a cigarette or beer in their hand while they are talking about this.... or be with dealing with a friend or relative who is trouble with a drug or sexual problem and STILL - they will not admit that they are effected! E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L-L-Y. Even after they openly say that they would lie to deal with issues in their life... Surprisingly, After I share my personal experience, they will usually be the first to say how "bad" you have had it in life, even after you have shared about specific difficulties you had in your life... and even after or though you've spelt out specifically, that you've worked these things out and through specific help (qualified, professional) - And still!!! SOME OF THESE PEOPLE will "wonder" out-loud... BOY! You had it rough!... and then, "say something like - Did you get over it- the hurt? Or did you get well? Or did you heal from your injury?... they can focus on your effects, never connecting that these are EMOTIONAL effects. Hey you Human beings! You or they, either, become disconnected from your emotions or these emotions become so distorted that they are all messed up and your emoting beyond what the present situation calls for... and thereby, creating more shame or pain or whatever is uncomfortable. And you will draw more discomfort from those around you. I have had people say, "I never had it as bad as you" or "They did the best they (parents or caregivers) at least they didn't drink They can say they are having a difficult time and or that all they need to do is, something like... "think" positive and "it" or "they" (both them and the other involved) will get over it! It is powerful for you to address your emotions and to know within - that no matter what you say or do - there will be those people who will deny or stay ignorant to just how out of touch they are in dealing with THEIR emotional energy- NEGATIVE AFFECTING EMOTIONAL ENERGY! MOST of these people will not Or cannot face how and why they are having to still use "recreational" alcohol or drugs or sex or intellectualizing or work holism etc., etc., Yet they can see the damage and or effects in and on others! EMOTIONS that is... I am no longer amazed with the people who are out of touch with the functionality of emotions in themselves and / or others. I still insist that we need to express our TRUE EMOTIONS - get them out - sort them out - LOSE THE SHAME over having feelings or sensitivity or "talking" of hurts, pains, shames, negative down things in life that "bring every one and everything down... positive thinking will make it better and "joining" the group will be better... kind of like being told to "be good and just get along and you will feel better".... It is shame that causes so much problems... people control because of shame... racism and prejudice is because of shame and ignorance in educated people is shameful... It is OK to feel and it is OK to deal with emotions and to resolve ALL EMOTIONS... Just find the safe place and safe people and do it till you can't do it no more and till you don't need to anymore AND learn to think positive ALONG WITH THE FULL EMOTING... get balanced with your emotions and their expression and you will live in more control of your life!! Without controlling other people's expressions... other people's freedom... don't bury your head in the sand about emotions and the power of hearing them and allowing others to learn true balanced expression... Walking this Red Road is hard - not lonely. YET it is OK to admit to be lonely. Work all this out with someone you trust. Don't walk it alone... ask someone to pray with you and for you. And you or they won't die alone - no matter what. You will live free of unresolved emotions. Wakan Tanka blesses us Kolas with strength and will to express our truth... to straighten out any and all misconceptions and distorted living difficulties without further shame or pain. |
Spirit-Warrior Way
For Kelly S... A young man who is thought of here. Peace and love go to you Kelly S. I am her for you and support your quest to live in peace.
Cam Hamoline... a beautiful, Human Being... Head Minister from "The Center For Conscious Living" ... a powerful healthy leader... keep strong in sharing your heart and wisdom
The Circle Of Life Lodge exists! It is a reality! I have seen it! I realize now that it is always been here with us.- - with me. I saw it, as I sat on the streets with people who were sniffed-up, drunk, hung-over, mentally or emotionally disturbed or disoriented... They sat with me and with other Sundancers and pipe carriers and I saw it! The Circle Of Life Lodge is the world and the people in it... people who seek natural interaction with one and other... people who want or need to connect... AND people who are willing to share their truth - their real situation - their way of living - their physical, mental, emotional, relational ways of life... this is spirit! This is LIFE! The Circle Of Life is all things, all beings, all creatures, all things, including Mother Earth, the breath, the air, Father sun, all elements... and it is the Universe. All of the human being, as Wakan Tanka has created this. The Circle Of Life is forever never ending... it is not created nor destroyed! I saw people come and share the Scared Pipe... in the way I was taught and I saw people connect, some seeming for a moment... yet I know it was forever! Some came and sat and went away and left this world to be with Wakan Tanka as we all will one day. I see the Circle Of Life and I share this with you... in the belief that we can and will find peace, balance and harmony and love... I seek to have a "physical building" - The Circle Of Life Lodge... and a separate labyrinth place outside near water, to represent and honor the Circle Of Life. This is what I pray for... ask for... need help with. To internalize this place here - Where we will come together to share naturally, yet truly, our beliefs and faith, and consciously blend them together in peace and non-violating harmony... together for allowing health and love... to permeate all in our connection through Mother Earth. Circle Of life Lodge |
A sharing of my heart...
A short time ago, I wrote about me, as a little boy of 6, seeing a small "crippled-up" woman struggling to get across the Dufferin Avenue street in 1958 Winnipeg... and how I cried because I felt so sad for her. I know that I was "connected" in those days of when I was "powerless". Then, I was still openly connected to the pain and suffering of others, in spite of the overload of "obvious" abusive conditioning through racism and "controlling feelings" or "not showing emotions" of those days.
I surely lived deep within this distorted, oppressive world - through my parents and by my society, I learned to feel, to think in the way of the day of these people. They showed me this "empathy" they showed me... and eventually, through this Rolla-index of acting or modeling, I learned to be "in" that way that "served me to serve others". I "needed" to live within my personal circumstances (my race, my education, my social status, my fears and shames - my training). I learned and accepted ways that kept me "OK" or "safe" - functioning right along with the rest or at least most of society. I did it!!!
I cried and I've struggled every day since then - not to stay the way in which I was conditioned in my growing up. Conditioned to not to "feel" the fullness of expression of humanness and humanity. I am grateful was born with this ability. I did and could feel.
Unfortunately, I learned to suppress most of the results of my experiences which resulted in distortions and disturbances that would cause me more living difficulties.
I keep hearing and seeing day after the disconnection of people who want to help others heal or change difficulties or problems in living fully functional.
I sit with the essence of peace... of resolution of difficulties within myself - a human being... I am connected to others... and I am flawed in the eyes of others who operate through a window of their own safety where they cannot or will not allow others to emote or feel fully... or at least to where their PEACE will last beyond their time WITH YOU OR ME!
I live with a sadness that we as a people - as human beings - are only willing to allow others to be a part of our groups because they think or feel like we do.
I invited the essence, the reality of that woman, that day in 1958, and if I were able at such a young place, if I were shown or modeled a way - the way - in which to share or take part in her life (whatever it was at the time - suffering? loneliness? I don't really know!) truly... then I would have grown naturally!!
T-O-D-A-Y, I struggle with "minding my own business" - keeping my place or remembering my learned parameters of expression... of my own smallness of childhood. And some of that sad, sad conditioning... that, also, may or may not be the basis for some or most of the attitude(s) of SOME of the people who promote this no-dealing-with-real-emotions-or-control-the-expression of everyone, especially people like me...
This is it - That you (I) are an "Indian" a big, a man, and a product of a people who are less-than any other race here on Turtle Island and we, as main stream society, are the dominant ones, we lead you, we tell you because we are more than you and because we are more aggressive and we are the controllers of when and how you will feel from now on... we control human expression! This disturbance does not exists so prevalent in all who discourage my dealing with emotional expression... yet sadly - it does exist! I have been shown this and I have been told this in many ways through out my life... I watched my connection change... and I am sad.
REMEMBER - Take what works for you and leave the rest... If you are open to adding to what I share here.. please be welcomed to say so. Together we walk out of the shadows... together we see the light and know the light.
I am not in the "business" of peace! I am not in the "business" of tolerance... I want... NO! Never mind want!! I walk with the people in their battles, their wars and their personal difficulties...I hear their need to acknowledge their energy of natural expression of their QUEST to be free of the "unresolved distorted" expression... NOT abusive mean hurtful verbiage! I mean coming to a point of understanding why and how we love one and other!! I am not looking for work or financial gain from gaining disciples or clients or dependants nor am interested in just becoming an act of being tolerant of disturbed or dis-eased or destructive people or "understanding" of cultish, contemporary, popular movements. NO! I want and need full life!
A little while ago, even before 6 years young... I saw and I felt... I connected with my original self. I feel and I am real! Before I gathered a whole lot of unresolved emotional energy.... Was it powerlessness or the innocence of knowing and accepting the realization of the gift of Wakan Tanka - that the Strongheart (of my truth)... this essence is within me and within you? I know when I did things that were of loving kindness and peace and gentleness... even in the midst of ultra pain and degradation of human life or will to live free... of denying that there is truly a place of peace of living loving life!
I think of my gifts to be a fully functional human being.... and I think of the insidiously imposed impediments of society and of those done by my old conditioning, even of my choices... I choose to be like I was when I was born - free to feel and to deal with feelings... to remember that I - you - all of us were born Wakan - Holy.. free!
I am choosing to be where I can grow more able to dealing with confrontation and to settle disruptions and disturbances of human thinking and doing where we can truly be at peace and foster safety in others to stand with us - join with us and know that all can live free of all forms of violation and violence.
This is the Strongheart Medicine... Wakan Tanka, I am grateful for my breath and for all other beings... I feel my love is stronger.
Pilamaya. Mitakuye Oyasin. He ce tu welo.
"In life you get the sweet and the sour." Sam Soo Han, Master Instructor of Tae Kwon - Do
I heard how we need to accept the good with the bad... how in all bad things something good comes of it. Is that kind of like a calm after the storm OR is the calm before the storm?
I heard what this instructor said to me as he trained me in some very difficult Martial Arts movements... I was told this because it - the training was very tough! And I was fighting back against what he was showing me. He wanted me to learn. I wanted to learn and I was so used to being mistreated and made to "get it done" that I wanted to get this my way.
I made the training even more difficult by not being able to understand my own previous conditioning. It was all I knew... at the time... and all he knew at the time.
I understand that I had to make sense of the hard times and to be able to express this understanding... in a way that made me truly able to find peace or calmness to learning something better or healthier.
I know that in order for anyone to change the cycle of "sweet and sour" "good and bad" "to what degree or level do things need to be hurtful or painful so that we can learn... we all need to be in a more peaceful way of treating one and other... to learn. To change the old methods of "no pain - no gain." Or practice or train until you drop or puke or die!
I see today, that we all need to understand what is sweet and what is sour and what these ways cause us to be like....
We just need to understand what is suffering and then stop the suffering... make sense of it... AND to identify it so that we can get rid of it and the affects of it!
I trained for many years trying to abolish suffering by getting more control over my affects of controlling my out-of-control need to understand the affects of abuse and misuse! Whew! Nuff said!
Blessings, Kolas...
Happy Birthday Kelly S. may you have all the happy thoughts and good people that your heart can hold! You do!
"And as he cried, along with his voice, I heard the cries of the old ones - Grandmother, Grandfather, children, babies..."
Native North American Indians will never be free - ever again!
I have needed to share this for some time now... I have seen and heard the signs... the evidence... I have experienced the deeply embedded, irreversible, generational damage that we all carry - way deep down within all of us. Damage that is guaranteed to never ever be worked out, because we are so inter-connected. So interwoven as feathers on a bird. I heard our ancestors cries when people reached and expressed their pain at their deepest core levels... I saw this and heard this and experienced this. About this I will write more... I need to share this experience that I had with a person, someone who was "trying" to connect in a disturbed, even racist way with Native American Medicine Ways of faith and belief... in God without accepting the very people.
In 1994, When Miracle, the White Buffalo Calf, was born in Janesville, Wisconsin, I went to see her - to honor her. Her return tells of the beginning of the end of this world as we know it. It validates us... me. I don't feel fear or sad about the world ending... I certainly don't feel pessimistic or fatalistic. I live to love deeper every day. I went to see Miracle because I needed to feel my connection of faith and belief of the medicine of The Cannupa - The Scared Pipe brought to us by the White Buffalo Calf Woman.
At the same time that I went to see Miracle, I went with a friend to meet her Guru, a yoga teaching man and "charismatic" "brilliant" man who ran a place for rich white folks, actors and wealthy ones... in a place called Kripalu Center in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. Click on this link to get more info.
I went with her because she wanted me to meet this Guru... this man who she said helped her straighten out deep issues and problems she had been having in her life. She asked me to help her and when I told her of the Pipe and the Sacred Medicine Ways of my people she said then why are there so many of them drunk on the streets? Why are so many in jails and in poverty? Yet she wanted me to help her with troubled sense of and about "spirituality" and "God" and "Indians!"
I went there t this place close to Janesville... with her to see him - her Guru - because Miracle came... And also because she viewed me "as not like other Indians" and I was disturbed by this separation, this distinction of me from other "Indians". I was in need to help her despite this distorted view... I saw it before - too many times.
At Kripalu, I asked why there was such an emptiness of spirit in this huge complex / center and why nobody looked alive or well... and why they, including her looked so troubled and why there was no one else of color around - except me and this Gurudev. I asked to see him. He refused to meet with me.
When I went to see Miracle, she came right up to me and I looked up in the tree and she showed me the face of this Guru of Kripalu, plainly as Miracle stood there - I saw why he didn't want to meet me... He was having sex with his followers - he was using them - abusing them.
Later that day, as we were on the plane, flying back to Canada, I told my friend what I saw and want this Guru was doing to the people... men and women... she became over wrought an "overwhelming" ugliness towards me - saying I was just like that sick "f**ken woman who made sexual accusations about him some 12 years earlier. This woman lost her son, her husband and everything! And that I was just an ignorant trouble maker like others of my "people". My "friend" walk away from me after we landed in Winnipeg, and she never looked at me... she left me alone with a word.
I went to my home and after about an hour and a half, she called hysterically crying because all hell broke loose at Kripalu... because people for some unknown reason came out and forward about Gurudev having sex with them... for years! They trashed parts of this multi-million dollar and eventually got rid of the Guru.
My friend went even deeper into her problems as a result of this abuse... I thanked Miracle for showing me this and other things...
This Guru is now at another center in Philadelphia, I think.
Miracle has passed on... fulfilled the prophecy and returned.
The Scared White Buffalo Calf Pipe exists... so does the Medicine Ways...
I learned from or through the Sacred Medicine Ways of Healing and from Miracle that we all so inter-connected that if even one of us suffers - that we all suffer... and that we must treat one and other with honesty and love... We walk in our hearts together forever... and we must work to see our selves free of all our wrongs first. And we must help all others.
I know that there we will never be total freedom or peace for us "Indians" here on this Mother Earth... We will never be free because as long as one of us suffers, we all suffer... I saw this! We can no longer move freely... and we are stuck in one spot with our shame and pain... and no way can the world take our pain away... no can we take away the pain of the Mother Earth!
I share this story as just another part of the Medicine Way of the Circle Of Life.
Blessing Kolas... help me build the Lodge where we can learn to love our selves openly and freely....
Pilamaya - Thank you.
He Sang Silent Night... to me
It was 1974, Christmas night... I sat with my Daddy...I played guitar
And as I sang "Silent Night" My Daddy sat on the couch, with a Blue, in his hand.
Si - I - I -lent night... Ho - o - lee night... all - l - l is calm... al - l - l is bright...
'Round The yon virgin - mother and child... holy infant so tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace. Slee - e - eep in heaven - lee peace.
And I looked him and with tears behind my eyes, I saw my Daddy looking so tired.
He had on a White T- shirt, with "Kiss Me I'M Ukrainian" written on it... his eyes were closed.
He began to sing with me... He sang Silent Night... His deep, deep voice rolled like Thunder.
Tears filled my heart, so deep and so touching... almost spilling out of my eyes... I managed a smile and I sang Silent Night Holy Night.
All is calm... all is bright... I sang with Daddy. We still call him Daddy.
I wished I could have known to ask him then, Daddy, do you love me?
And I think he would have said, "I love you my son. And I glad to finally singing with you."
Slee - eep in heavenly peace.
Sure, my daddy was limited in his expression... sure he did wrong, was hurtful so many times, too many times and yet I needed to hear something.
The Christmas night I heard him sing was the first and the last time...
I saw him one last time before he crossed over...
On December 28th, I he called me because he was having trouble with my now deceased brother Kenny and one of his "sniffer" friends Glen. My daddy sat at his kitchen table in green khaki shirt and pants... He looked me in the eyes and said,
"Are you a man?" It was a deep but clear statement. I felt fear. I answered.
"No Daddy."
"Are you a man?" He said it again! I was so shaken, as I stood there. Never, ever had he talked like this... I didn't know why. I was sad and sacred. I answered like a little boy.
"Sometimes Daddy."
"Are you a man!" With a gentle pleading tone, he touched me again.
"Yes Daddy... I'm a man." I said with tears in my eyes, not knowing what I was saying... I was afraid.
Be a good man and look after your kids."
He asked me to stay with him that night, He said, "Stay here tonight my boy. When you're here no one bothers me. Stay her tonight.
I didn't stay. I said I needed to go back to my house for a little while, and that I would be right back. I went home because I couldn't stay there. I didn't like the place. As well I needed to be at work the next day.
I left.
He died that night - early in the next morning, Dec. 29, 1974.
Ya, I got to sing Silent Night... Holy Night with him... My dad.
What I thought I knew about being a man was distorted... and even though, I didn't know then what a man was... and I didn't know who I was...
Because of that one night! That night, I got to sing Silent Night, Holy Night... Once, with My Dad, I got to begin a new part of my journey to wellness... though it would take me years. I will never stop. I felt love... a sadness, though with love. I felt loved.
My Daddy Sings To Me.. In My Dreams .
"Silent night holy night all is calm all is bright
Round yon virgin mother and child holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace (sleep in heavenly peace)
Silent night holy night shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing alleluia Christ the Savior is born
Christ the Savior is born.
Silent night holy night Son of God loves pure light
Radiant beams from thy holy face with the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus lord at thy birth Jesus lord at thy birth
Silent night holy night Silent night holy night
Silent night
(REPEAT)"
I am working on a song around this event or situation of my life... and I am dedicating it, especially to my children... and to all those people, that I wish I could have been a more loving human being to, a better person to... including myself. I will never deny my mistakes and I will always be willing to help others who suffer.
I know more today, of what is true meaning of Christmas... of life. I want to know and live more. I sang with my Dad, All those years ago. I made many of my own mistakes for sure... yet, today, I sing a lot and think a lot... and whenever I sing this song, I get tears in my eyes... Cause I know I want to understand more, of what it means to be a man, a healthy human being. And to do all the loving things that my Daddy couldn't do.
Pilamaya Ate - Thank you Dad.
Your son Jimmy... Akicita Wakan Mani 2006
Merry Christmas... To all - Let's Live the this love year round and sing every day OK!
MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!
Over 2000 years ago... The Whole Human race was blessed with the birth of a child... his name was Jesus. He came and shared real qualities of living. He loved all people and he expressed his thoughts and feelings about beauty and love and truthful living... He expressed his anger at dishonesty and corruption and false praise of The Creator... he stood with and up for the sick and distorted, disturbed people... He believed in healing with love and honesty. He gave his life... and others took it. This is the time to say "Thank you God, for this gift... help those of us who cannot remember the true purpose of this celebratory time... Merry Christmas and help me to emulate this Saviors birth day.
Merry Christmas - Brothers and sisters... Mitakuye Oyasin.
Pray for Kelly S. Pray for him to change his behaviors... to heal from being hurtful and violent... to learn discipline to get along with others and accept responsibility in making his life happier and peaceful. Pray as well that those around him heal from the tiredness and difficulties that they face with in working with this young man. Pray for us all who need to face the responsibilities of taking care of those who cannot care for themselves... help us to do this in the healthy manner. Pilamaya.
MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!
Over 2000 years ago... The Whole Human race was blessed with the birth of a child... his name was Jesus.
He came and shared real qualities of living. He loved all people and he expressed his thoughts and feelings about beauty and love and truthful living... He expressed his anger at dishonesty and corruption and false praise of The Creator... he stood with and up for the sick and distorted, disturbed people... He believed in healing with love and honesty. He gave his life... and others took it. This is the time to say "Thank you God, for this gift... help those of us who cannot remember the true purpose of this celebratory time... Merry Christmas and help us to see our way to emulate this Saviors life... even way beyond his birth day.
Merry Christmas - Brothers and sisters... Mitakuye Oyasin.
Pray for Kelly S. Pray for him to change his behaviors... to heal from being hurtful and violent... help him to learn discipline to get along with others and
to accept
responsibility in making his life happier and peaceful.
Pray as well that those around him heal from the sometimes despair, the tiredness, the fear, and other natural human difficulties that they face... in working with& Kelly. This man is worth saving and having his life truly
change for the better.
Pray for us all who need to face our own personal difficulties of living... for the
responsibilities of taking care of those who cannot care for themselves is so taxing... God please... help us to do this in the healthy manner with one and other and have no shame in asking for help openly and honestly with one and other. Peace to us all. Pilamaya. Mitakuye Oyasin
Laughing while in difficult situation... is Ok. Laughing while in pain is Ok. Laughing at your pain can be OK when, the reason you are having this pain is not causing other problems or the result of other deeper problems. It is good to be strong and able to withstand hardship and to be able to keep on going. This ability is indomitable spirit and this is courage and this is tenacity.
If you are born into arguing or other scary violent behaviors then you might develop such abilities out of necessity, out of coping - even surviving.
When a human being is brought-up, raised by healthy adults, modeling love and nurturing and direct healthy interaction... modeling of human empowerment, then you will learn from a place of peace... a place of calmness... and even with natural God-given... anger! Anger that doesn't come out all crazy and distorted!
Let's face our natural way... and laugh because were are happy and have joy! Let's laugh at pain because we know it doesn't stick and stay and cause more trouble! Let's laugh and have fun without hurting our selves or anyone else... or denying pain! Let's be congruent together!
Pilamaya - Thank you... Mitakuye Oyasin - we are all related.
Being Real - Hard To Be... It Is The Only Way?
I
real-ie... that initially, I started to do this work because I felt powerless and fearful, simply, and to make up for all the powerlessness I saw and felt as a small child... I
real-ie as well that when I learned to "take" control of my life that I did it according to my role models around me. They were real, even though they were not in their real best - completely.
No matter how and why I started to do this work, I do it well, I real-ie today, that I am forever in transition... changing... evolving... and that I come to REAL-ie even more, by sticking to my commitment to be a better human being... a healthier human being... That I am willing (with fear not terror) to learn more of why I had to do this healing work... on myself and then to help others.
I real-ie that I was angry as well and that I only wanted to address the safe issues and not go so deep... so I wouldn't be further shamed or marginalized. I chose experiential psychotherapy... and I chose it because it was run by people who were willing to tell their real stories, about who and what they were before and after and during this process of healing change...
I acknowledge that I go through anger (I don't stay in it) and sadness (not grief) and fear (wisdom is from fear - knowing) and all the other emotions in a balanced way... I worked long and hard for balance and freedom. The way Wakan Tanka meant for us ALL to have... just as we were long, long ago, when the rivers and buffalo ran free... we are the buffalo. the wind and the keepers of Mother Earth.
Here on this plain, I keep up with being conscious and aware of my environment and the people in it (like the deer) and my relating to them and my self (Mitakuye)... and HOW I am being real AND HOW AND WHY I am allowing for others to there and to be who they can be at that time... If I am unable to be around or involved with a certain person for whatever reasons.... I look after myself - really... AND them gently.... by talking it out or eventually setting certain boundaries. And if need be share it with someone else I trust and I keep my self safe!
I limit my energy in some relationships (not to the point of not taking full responsibility)... I save time for meditation - for expression - for self love.
This is the Circle Of Life Medicine Way.
Being real takes time and Being willing to keep going takes energy and self love... fin others who will be real with you and allow room for you to share honestly and work towards solution... not suppression or denial.
Let's be real together! Blessings Kolas.
This is my prayer for all of us of the Rainbow Tribe.
The Circle Of Life Lodge will come true... this will actually be a physical place where you may come to and share in the Spirit-Warrior Way!
To all who have been helped through this way I share here - I ask you to help make this happen with your financial contributions. Not as a payment - As an exchange of honoring gifts we have. I have found that some people will come get what they needed here with me and then they go away. True some forget what connection, what gift that they personally, got through this way. And for some they remember and they say I want to know what can I do to help you help others.
Your help is needed in order for me to continue to help others... this Lodge I speak of here will be the place where this vision will grow! Prayers are powerful and plentiful... funds, money to see this place materialize, is what is needed. Pray for commitment of action to help. Can you... will you help make this work less hard? Blessings Kolas - friends, Pilamaya - Thank you.
CONTACT :
P.O. BOX 45114
Winnipeg, Manitoba,
Canada, R2C 3A0
PHONE: 204 - 224 - 952O
EMAIL: info@spirit-warrior.ca
Wakan Tanka, Pilamaya for the life of a dear friend, Mary Swan.
Pray for healing and healthiness for her remaining family.
Mary honored me, gifted me with sharing her life's journey. She touched me so deeply, with all she shared... I grieved with her I cried with her... and did my loving best to comfort her. I wish I was given the opportunity to have been allowed to stay there for her - I wasn't.
I am honored by her, that she chose me to raise her baby son for a while, after she lost two others to the tragedy of suicide.
Today, he is a fine young man. With sadness and yet a sense of relief for her suffering, Mary suffers no more. She is loved I know, and now Mary is at ultimate rest - on the other side with all of our ancestors.
Meegwetch, Pilamaya, He ce tu welo.
"From the truth, understanding and resolution - the redoing our pasts - talking purposely about our suffering - our pains, shames and blames, we will find freedom and peace... and maybe more days of good life... and just maybe others will be inspired by our strength to change and they will live with less suffering!"
I smile when I remember her smiling at me and thanking me for listening to her... just the way it was done for me! I AM GRATEFUL.
Millennium... Time Immemorial... Many Many Winters...
Too Many Moons To Remember
We count years in days and months and hours from clocks and calendars,
instead of the moon, sun, stars, animals and plants and rivers... we are lost and
no time will be found or no time will find us.
We have become so concerned with time? We suffer knowing time down
to milli-seconds... time beyond the swiftness of the hawk and the deer. Beyond the swiftness of the pony and the arrow of days gone..
I realize that we - Native American Indians - must live free within the
confines of this society. We must count the seasons... the time we will that
we know our suffer... through the Sacred Ceremonies... especially the Sundance.
We suffer with the rest of the world... We must get to this and let it go
by saying that we do and that this suffering does exist!
Despite that fact that we will never be free again - NOT in the original way
we once lived - never!
We can know about our suffering and we can do something specific about it!
And until we get rid of the pent-up built-up over abundance of emotions that we never
had before! And that we are over burdened with today. And unprepared to deal with... we will never come close to the old ways!
We will live through our traditional scared ways... we will acquire strength to work through contemporary methods of healing of talk and action therapies.
Time is not a concern! It is quality of life. How we live each day. How we die or leave this place. How we leave others or how we leave this place Mother Earth and all the other creatures here, as well as the universe.
Let's make this time better by being willing to face our problems as well as our solutions... We can do this together.
Pilamaya - thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - we are all related.
When I say that Native American Indians will
never be free, I mean to say, that we will never return to our "original
natural" place of being "free"... able to move or travel here or there and put up our lodges and just live... this is what
I mean.
We can no longer just plunk our selves down someplace and connect to the
trees, the earth, the other beings. Or raise our hands to the sun, the moon,
the stars, the wind, the rain, the snow... and pray... in the way we know is
in our hearts. Or how we honor the sacredness of the elements and other
beings... Or how we express through singing and dancing and playing... How we honor plants and animals before we share life with them...before we "eat" them we thank the Creator for their life... their
not just plant or animal food. We can no longer just dip
our hands in the water and drink... or sit or sleep by the waters or jump
in and swim or bathe right there... or walk around with others like we were.
We medicate with the best of them... In various ways... from our natural bodies and sexuality and procreation with sense of community... we hold on with mostly shame... so much of mixing violence and sexuality, just like most of mainstream society does. We use their "recreational" "sociable" ways to kill ourselves even better than they do!
We can no longer do these things without being worried about
whose going to hurt us or judge us... because we are just being free.
We have learned well to act like we are not afraid.
I am also referring to how today, how we have really very little experience
in dealing with such strong emotions and the expression of them... we have
no experience in "owning" Mother Earth. We can no longer see the free living, healthy animals, who we were, and still are brother
and sister to... no longer.
We will never return to this way again and neither will Tatonka - the
buffalo return!
Realistically, I see the attempts by people who are uncomfortable
with "Indians" standing up and expressing themselves... trying to "give us" freedom. They try... I see the people who are
more comfortable with us, when we remember our place... when we do not talk about
our situation of distortion - our oppression, or where we "lose control" or fumble at trying to express our emotions of our fear
or our pain or our shame... within the confines of "them".
I have seen this all my life and I continue to see and hear of
the results of this "trying to live"... I say what I say BECAUSE there are far too may of us living with such disconnection to the reality of the damage done... our disconnection is so strong... Wakan Tanka's, OUR NATURAL true ways... are no longer reachable! Our life-fire is too far gone many of us are living and DYING in such disconnection - still!
I say we express our hearts and sing and dance and pray in the way we will gain
strength to be happy and free... and not let our children be affected BY OUR mistreating them
by abusive or neglectful of them or our self! Let us save our children today by getting free of our own distortions and live each day as
if were our last!
If we believe in Wakan Tanka - God - whichever way we say this - Then let's
walk the talk and let each other know the way to peace... let's support one and
other to express our distortions and sort them out without intentional violation
ozone and other!!
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - we are all related. Let's make this
a better place to really live!
Peace comes at a price.
Someone needed to say, "Stop that!"
There had to be something happening that was confrontational or violent or aggressive.
Someone wanted or needed someone else to stop doing them wrong.
Thus - confrontation!
To maintain our position - Warriors must sometime, say - stop!
Even if it is the leader, who must be told.
It is OK to be
confrontational. It is not OK to be violent!
These are two different things.
Sadly, there are those people who need to be told even stronger to stop.... and sometime they will harbor resentment (fear) towards you because you have "dared" to stand up to their abusiveness... their aggression.
This is the cost of having peace. Are you willing to have someone not like you because you asked them to stop hurting you or someone else?
I would rather have one person not like me because I asked them to stop being hurtful, than to stand around and "pretend" I am comfortable with maintaining an act or be in the business of peace with them.
Even Gandhi confronted the oppressors!
As Native American Indians, All our leaders
were killed, starved, enslaved in their quest to keep our people free...
Most, never had the chance to live and become
acceptable by mainstream society's, as accepted peacemakers.
We still need to confront today. And we still will!
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye
Oyasin - we are all related.
I Walk the Red Road... with people, not just with Cannupa - the Sacred Pipe. I am not just someone who attended the Sundance... I took home into my heart the commitment to live as I promised - To stand up for - defend and help the people and to live my life without drugs alcohol violence or other dysfunctions... according to the original ways of people. This is Recovery... and I look to share, in the good way, with other people. I seek healthy places, environments that are nurturing and caring... honest and compassionate... where I will have fun and play without hurting or belittling anyone including myself.
I walk the Red Road... with you!
It is a critical time for me. For a good while now, my personal resources are extremely limited. I need support - financial help - from you... a hand-up, not a hand out. This work requires much of my time and money. Kola - friend, should you find that you can help me help others, please send to the address below... I look forward to keep up the help for disadvantaged, marginalized people... to keep working with people who have extreme difficulty in getting or accepting help otherwise. Your consideration would be a blessing.
Blessings Kolas - friends.
I Believe In Angels, I Believe in Love, I Believe in Sacrifice and I Believe in Humanity.
I smiled deeply and cried today... again as usual, being that normal sensitive being I am. I saw a tremendously touching inspirational story on the News about human from Manhattan, New York, named Wesley Autrey, who rescued a man who a seizure and had fallen on the train tracks in a New York subway. Wesley Autrey actually put his two little girls in the arms of a woman standing there and jump down and cover the man who had fallen - with his body! The train passed over then both and they both survived!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/03/subway.rescue.ap/index.html
Click on this link for the whole amazing story.
As the relative of the man, who had fallen spoke... he barely could hold back his tears. Wesley Autrey put his arm around him and hugged him and kissed his cheek to comfort him. He called Wesley an angel and really struggled not to cry out. This just opened a huge well of love in my heart and tears in my eyes. - Thank you Wakan Tanka for Wesley Autrey, He modeled for me the ultimate act of kindness, of sacrifice... I say prayers of gratitude... love for him and for all of us.
I heard a similar story some years back, of how a man, in a London zoo, jumped into a chimpanzee enclosure, to save a chimp that had been forced into the water by other chimps because it was not wanted there by the other chimps. It was drowning and the man said he jumped in because he saw into its' eyes and connected to it. I heard Jane Goodall tell about this, at the State Of The World Forum meeting - 1994. I later asked her about why she related so closely with chimps... I was curious and wanting to learn how love is.
I am smiling when I think of the indomitable will / spirit of some human beings to reach way out there and actually give their life for another... I believe in love! Call me a old softy... I have faith and belief in Wakan Tanka.
May we all, May I have the strength to act in the right way... may we have the faith to trust that God... that The Creator will take care of us -me - in these times, when we may be in danger, when caring for another's life.
I am committed to living my life, in the service or quest to lessen the suffering of others... as a human being - a Sundancer. I feel this commitment deep in my heart.
Pilamaya - thank you
I ask for prayers for Kelly S. He is in jail again. He suffers and those who work with him suffer as well. Pray for us all. I walk the Red Road... with you!
It is a critical time for me. For a good while now, my personal resources are extremely limited. I need support - financial help - from you... a hand-up, not a hand out. This work requires much of my time and money. Kola - friend, should you find that you can help me help others, please send to the address below... I look forward to keep up the help for disadvantaged, marginalized people... to keep working with people who have extreme difficulty in getting or accepting help otherwise. Your consideration would be a blessing.
Blessings Kolas - friends.
I light the Fire again and again and Pray we learn to deal with this... once and for all!!
Time and Time Again... people come to me, call me, and share about their experience with injustice! Injustice about the attitudes of the people who control this society's "healing / helping" business!! They try to "crack" the walls of those people who refuse to be honest about their misuse of the methods of helping and healing others. Their share about the sickness and disease of those in power and control positions.
Many of us have heard - There was a time when - Life was natural and simple - Native American Indians - we didn't have the "SOCIAL-SOCIETAL" troubles that we have today. The drugs, the alcohol, the deviant sexuality, the poverty, the broken families, the diseases, the mental health issues, the Reservations!!!
We didn't have that "locked in" life... with the environment of grief, loss, and self-hatred or shame... we didn't have constant reminders of negative life situations with an enduring hard core of "people that look upon our inability or perceived reluctance to "fit in" with their "healthy" mainstream system... We have had this experience for hundreds of years now... And there is created - a hard core NEVER TO REACHED group of "indians" just like every other races have!
Because we have not got that long of an experience with emotions as mainstream society... we are we faced with enormous amounts of "out of whack distorted emotions today. And we are ill prepared to deal with them.
We have not been able to emotionally disconnect like some other races have been able to do, especially when it comes to dealing with oppression or mass imprisonment or mass annihilation or destruction. Nor do we have the ability to function with our own conditioned "lateral" oppressors!
We are faced with an acceptable apathy and complacency that is approved by many... by mainstream society. Some of whom are our own people!
Many of these "acclimatized and
anestithized indians" use the very ways of mainstream society to keep themselves like good little colonial indians and endure the huge amount of emotions with emotional "bypass-surgery" methods and techniques like Nero-linguistic programming and some of those New Age "peace and love" movements, ways and organizations.
So many of us have had to learn to medicate with alcohol, drugs, sex, violence and other ways in order for us to get through and by our old ways of being free.
I wish we could remember when a loved one dies... When we so sorrowfully mourn... of how they died... Or remember how they lived just before they died. Remember how and what they ate unhealthy, how they drank poisons, how they stuffed their pain and suffering, how they distorted their expression of their life struggles, how they related to their own origins and to others beings and Wakan Tanka. I wish we could stop the dying of diabetes, obesity, heart disease, and drunk driving accidents or stabbings / shootings / murder and all those sad, sad things! I wish we could lovingly talk of these things and say why and how we do them and say how WE can end them. I pray for this.
I got a call from a young man who wants - again to end his life!!! Again I asked him to end the drinking and drugging and come to me and I would help him... we would work through his thinking and feelings. He said, "Why do want to do this again, with me?" He expressed that he was angry and sad at the same time. He said that he had lost all his "things"... his Sacred Items and that now he had nothing. I told him that he was sacred and that I help him reconnect to this sacredness and to live up to getting those sacred items again. And that they are never lost. Again he said ,"Why." I said because I love you in a special way and I am able to share my health with you and I will share the way of our people - to live with consciousness and awareness. I asked him to pray for me cause I needed his love as well. He prayed for me - with me! I will see him again. I assured him that together we will deal with life and all the troubles that WE face... and that I have faced many and still do... and that we will pray together. He assured me - again! He will live!
I pray we grieve with the people before they die, those people who are suffering and help them to resolve why they continue to perpetuate their own suffering without resolution, without solutions that remain after the "workshops" or "meetings" or "quasi ceremonies". We must be pro-active lovingly!
I write to express my view of those of us who need to help our selves first and to model the way we want others to be.
Take what you like and leave the rest... and do what you need to do to live your dying if you are living unhealthy... talk with someone you can trust and let go of the act... share what is in your heart and sort it out in the good way!
Pilamaya Wakan Tanka for this day. Help me to have strength and energy to challenge and change my own distortions and disturbances of living well. Help me to walk my talk... and to truly help others. Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
I Pray to One... I ask no one!
"Some people believe that we - Native American Indians - are supposed to get over our troubles. And get off the streets and stop complaining and stop the grieving and just stop talking about what was then. A long, long time ago, when even Mother Earth was different.
There are those people who believe that they have nothing to do with the murder of millions of Jews. Or that they have brought this world to a better, greater place... civilization. We, Indians are just less than and backward... lost. They have no connection. There are those people who don't understand that we, Native American Indians, are related, truly connected, a part of the creatures, the beings of Mother Earth - the animals, the birds, the fish, the trees, the wind, the rain, the sun, the moon... the stars and all of it!
Some of these people are some of our own of the Tatonka Oyate - the Buffalo People. They have lost their connection to the way of the Great Mystery - Wakan Tanka and they live until they die... even suffering without ever understanding why. We are lost from the old ways... yet this sense intrinsically remains... the longing to return. To go home.
I know we will never reclaim our original way that we once lived, free to move and sleep, eat, play, work, love, and be thankful - every day, all time... for this gift of life - free life... we will never know this again. Not in that way. We will know a sense of freedom when we finish grieving and all of us AND all of humanity and all the Universe STOPS suffering!! Learn to live love,
Strongheart - Kolas - friends.
This is my expression, not a tear comes now... this is not a request for freedom, nor is it a cry isolation... It is my expression of LIFE, the way I was told... no one can or will "allow" me to begin living true to our ancestors and to the creators intention... No one!
Brothers and sisters of all tribes, we were meant to be Mitakuye - relatives and live as one tribe... we don't. Call it confrontational if you will... and, not but, let me return to Mother Earth in peace."
Pilamaya - Thank you,
Mitakuye Oyasin - All my relations,
He ce tu welo - All is well.
The
Spirit Warrior Way is about discipline... this means that along with working with people in loving kindness - the misuse, the denial, the abuse, the violence, the intimidation, the apathy, the coercion, the collaboration, and the other convenient ways of getting along at he cost of someone else.
I realize that I learned as a child that I needed to do something about my family-of-origin life... so I decided to leave and get help. Before I left, I remember
telling my parents that what was going on here was wrong! I did this and I was just a little boy!
I am aware of "those" people who say, "Oh just love them and accept them like they are and... and... and... just love them. Don't judge them!"
I don't see, that in saying to someone, that you see or know is beating someone or cheating someone or mis-treating someone or another human being or another creature or Mother Earth or even
themselves...
That this is judging... I see anyone who doesn't say anything, as someone who can't or won't because they fear AND MAYBE they are being careful... maybe... or maybe they are afraid of being judged for standing up for what is humane... what is right.
I have watched far too many people die so young, so tragically, so unnecessary, so isolated, so distorted... I choose to say "When I see you doing ____(the Behavior)____, I feel sad/angry/fear/love/happy/guilt/shame/pain and I wish you would get help or I can help or need you to stop doing that and I will help and here's what I will do or I will get you help or call the authorities!
I will help anyone providing that they want help... if they don't I will still confront their negative behavior and I will still - LOVE THEM!
I pray for strength to stay with my quest to follow my commitment as a Sundancer... to stand for the people who cannot and will not stand for their self!
Pray for me... Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin, He ce tu welo.
If you can help or support The Spirit-Warrior Way... please send any donations to the address below...
I wish for all people to have the energy and the environment, which includes the people, where they can feel entirely safe and fulfilled. I wish all people not let old feelings or thoughts come up and interfere with their present happiness. I wish for all old feelings and memories go away and not come up in any way.
You are free and I wish for you to be free to live in all your power and glory for the advancement of all life, including Mother Earth. I wish for you to take care with me... by being
conscious and aware of how we treat one and other. I realize that I affect others and others affect me and I that I must take care with you. I ask you to take care of me... in loving kindness this is what Wakan Tanka has intended - I believe.
I pray that, Together, we will co-create that place... that
environment... the world the way in which it was meant to be... nurturing, peaceful, and full of love!
I pray that I always stay open to accepting help and giving help... healthy and fulfilling help.
I walk the way I do because of freedom to think and feel openly... from the space and love I got from others who helped me... Help that I was able to accept... in sharing my life-force I have consideration of all those who have helped me... I believe that we can live towards this.
I wish for a lot of things and I pray for more... I work towards helping others find that place and space for full freedom... full living.
Pilamaya - thank you,
Mitakuye Oyasin - We are related.
We are of the Rainbow Tribe... we make our world.
*This writing in progress... check for changes*
Unequivocally, I choose.... my natural way of walking, of living, I walk with intention of interacting with all peoples. In learning and understanding... giving and accepting... what is truly loving and kind... what is honest and honorable... Not just acceptable or tolerant or conveniently right! I cry for peace and will "fight" for freedom... I pray for us all, to be forthright, with our truth.
I am seeking clarity, sorting out the distortions of the this business of healing, helping, peace and justice... especially how this pertains to us - Native North American Indians...
We are being further marginalized and screwed by those "opportunistic service providers, the business-minded receptors" and by our own conditioned colonialist victimhood. Even as far the phony peace mongers! And our own neediness and inability to truly be discerning. Knowing who is interested in all of us being free and not just the ones who provide further job or financial gain opportunities.
Speak of those "nice" things - the positive side, the "spiritual" aspects of healing, of recovery, the study or exploration in changing or enhancing ones' life... these are good things to do and very, very important to do.
The aspects of positive talk really do promote healing and are like medicine... you know how some people will say that if you talk of bad things or even think about them, then you will give it power and it will stay reality or if it isn't already, then, it will come true!
"Some people come to help us, to live amongst us because they have an affinity to our suffering... to our quest to be free. I wrote today about people who fall into a special category - Professional Enabler or a Bleeding Heart? Or Predator! Let my wounds be seen, be tended to, and let me help my people heal.
Though I am older, an elder, I am always, a warrior. I know pain and understand suffering... pain, shame and freedom. I wish to acknowledge my distorted wonderment at my will, to welcome you, again, here amongst us... How can I, with a warrior-peacekeeper sense, share with you... the need in me to let you share my heart, in your heart, that, I do this out of strength of heart - Strongheart Medicine - and from the true shining light of Wakan Tanka... sadly, I say, not out of a lust for shininess of glass beads and tools and guns and gold...
that I wish to, I need to heal with you."
I have seen both sides of the disturbance, where people will say "let's not talk of those bad things". They will say that they have had enough of hearing the negatives of life! These people, through conditioning, usually don't have enough energy or capacity, one or the other or both, to deal with or to be with others who have the "need" to deal with injustice or expression of just basic emotions. They usually choose to be on the "easy going" side of living, in order to better manage their journey. Some do this by deep, subtle controlling, so that they can do their thing... sadly, this does not allow others, the chance at sorting out, for clarity, their inner thoughts and feelings and life patterns.
I write about these things with a conscious focus on the predators amongst us, because it has been my experience that there are far too many "dis-eased" "dis-turbed" "dis-guised" dysfunctional players, who come amongst us and offer their patronizing, colonial dogma and ideologies to healing, when in fact they are controlling our expression. They pretend to be helping us... when in fact they are here to play into the "Professional Enabler" series.
Some of these people will actually take us away from our connection to Mother Earth and the rest of Wakan Tanka's creations... by subtly disregarding our Traditional Ways... our Medicine Ways.
I see far too often, that when, not if, we "join into a mainstream society movement" or get there is a line forming for healing... that we are confused, so, we tend to "fall back" and let others in front of us... we confuse that we must follow instead of just naturally getting into any line.
We are natural people, now a beaten, damaged people... a people conditioned to be followers through terror. Because we are warriors, we must spontaneously, yet humbly, step forward, with the free will to share. To take part. Now, sadly, we stay back, reluctant and with damaged pride, we keep our selves and others back. In this way we are hard on other "indians", who really truly want to share in the gifts of life.
We are confusing the natural process of being modest, humble... with taking part in the process of making true change, of challenging the dominant thinking, that we are simply not truly capable of ending the dysfunction, getting over the losses, and taking part in the present process of healing the damage of generations that we as Native American Indians have endured.
We are living with the conditioning, that we will be accepted easier and safer "better" and get along better if we do not make trouble... wait quietly till we are called.
There are too many of us don't say what bothers us for fear that we will be chastised... get into trouble... not be accepted... and we will be reminded of our SHAME!
We do not take a TRUE leadership role in the world or amongst us, because we have not been assimilated into the mainstream society act, nor have we become acclimatized to the follower cultish lifestyle of today... We stay in a backward position because we fear and we inherently know that, this is what we are supposed to do... We should have stayed to our selves in the beginning. But that was not our way of our hearts.
I see that we must learn to follow mainstream society... YET, we must not confuse... the reality of learning the necessary discipline of expression and still become free of the pains, shames, and unresolved issues of injustice and abuse on our history and within all aspects of our society.I believe we must stand for our original beliefs and express what our truth is and work towards harmony and balance within our self and our family and then share this with others.
Pilamaya - thank you... for those amongst us who are true to being free with us... who help because they know to. Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Since I was 19 years, I have worked with my own kind - poor, disadvantaged youth, with families in the core area of this city of Winnipeg... most Native American Indians. I spent about 6 years working and volunteering at the Indian and Métis Friendship Center... in various capacities, I helped. I wanted to
be part of something that was not so appealing, yet, I wanted to be part of it.
I was
first acknowledged for my skills at Martial Arts / Tae Kwon - Do, I began using
this as way, as a vehicle, to teaching discipline, leadership skills and also crime prevention. This program developed into - "MASKANAS - The Way" - a crime prevention program first located on Main Street and then onto Selkirk Avenue. I worked with disadvantaged youth and adults, providing structured classes in dealing with conflict resolution to employment skills to social skills. I worked within the Juvenile Corrections / Justice system as a group counselor. I spent my time studying more and more
about helping - gaining a whole lot of knowledge of convenient techniques.
I wanted to be good at helping.
I learned much of my skills from employment assistance programs, workshops, and seminars as well as the practical hands-on experience. I have had many years of this... I am 54 winters now. So it is 35 years for sure.
I learned much from my teachers / instructors - Alfie Poon, Wing Chun, Park Jung Tae, Tae Kwon - Do, Richard Kudding - Shaolin Kempo, Jerry Marr, Karate, Dean Paunovich, Boxing... as well, as Martin Highbear - Lakota, Tobasonoqut Kinew - Ojibwa, Sydney Keith - Lakota, Arthur Mickey - Dakota, Calvin Pompana - Dakota, and from my spirit guides - Windy Boy and one other whose name escapes me right at this moment. I had these two all my life, as well, my Ina - Mom and my Dad - Ate...also, my children, their mothers and all others... and of course - Wakan Tanka -the Great Mystery - the Creator - God.
My work started out under the limited method of the "DO-AS-I-SAY-NOT-AS-I-DO SCHOOL"... I had good intentions, and limited "skilled" energy and eventually, I did have to choose to work more on my self-understanding, self-analysis, in order that I could work / help, in more functional way.
I learned from every person I worked with... I am grateful for every one that I have spent time with. I understand the process of healing and helping, as a two way journey or path. That it takes co-operative confrontation and will and skill... on both.
I understand, as well, that there are some people who cannot handle open or loose "boundaries" and "guidelines"... especially for those "professionals" or the "good well-read"... I have had my challenges from the intellectuals,
because they have little or no experience in dealing with emotions... expressing, and most importantly - accepting their shame of being in need and also their letting go of their false power / coercion and control / manipulation... and being truthful. I was just like you!
Healer heal thy self!!
I spent three years going to Adult Children 12 step groups and other "training" groups as
well as individual therapy sessions... then in 1992, After, realizing I wanted
and needed to find a more helpful situation, I accepted a deeper form of help and healing, after many years of being a do-good worker and doing quasi-good work... I appreciate all who taught me to be who I am today,
My work today is in the Spirit-Warrior Way, as a Sundancer and Transformational Guide / Tracker... I believe in all that I have learned and I thank the Creator for the strength to keep helping others.
I encourage everyone, regardless of your training, education or social or economic status - to find someone you can trust and share what is in your heart and in your mind! Really truly share your beliefs and faith, your behaviors and actions and your needs and wants... sort things out with someone who you trust and someone who honors you with truth as well! These ones are the most nurturing... the most strengthening... and the best teachers and the best students. This is what we must live for.. Why we must work to
make change in this world and perhaps... just maybe we will have children who come into
this world and live throughout their lives - in peace and in love... I pray for
this.
Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin, He ce tu welo - Kolas
Standing Up For Healthy, Effective, Relevant, Effective Care, or Treatment, or Help... Is More Than Just Not Running Away When you See It... It Is Even More Than Speaking Out... It Is About Following Up To Ensure That The Changes Were Made.
It is clear that promises have been made by the PEOPLE! People who have been confronted - asked directly by someone who said "NO!" or said, "That is no good enough" or "That hurts - stop it". Something verbal... right? Right!
People who promised to do better because something they were doing was not getting good healthy results. They made their promises from their base of knowing, with their present term of reference to the situation they have trouble with... and they have made the choice to never do the same ineffective behavior from they understand from experience... they did so with their eyes open.
Here is the most important factor when it comes to those particular changes...
When a person or a group of people (this can be a profession or service group) are confronted for their unhealthy, unwell, inadequate, or "bad" or "poor" or "negative" or "irresponsible" or "negligent" or "criminal" behavior... Then they - the human beings - Had to choose to make a change for the better! They make the change because they had to! Get it - They had to! And because they could not choose to avoid any longer. The other - the receiver of the "treatment" - the party - or victim got more educated, more empowered, more supported and then they were able to ask for help or demanded it or someone else witnessed the wrong or poor.
Should they welcome the change - the confronted - then the change will be effective and good will come of it. Quite often this is not the case. Quite often people confronted will feel shame and angry or disempowered and it will take time to get over this loss or need to re-learn something they have done "not-well" for a long time.
There are many - far too many people out there who are ill-equipped to deal with ALL the injustices of this world. This "job" is unrealistic for any human being to take on... The quest to live true and honest is the journey for all of us. To do this warrior way is really peacemaking... we need to achieve this with love and understanding... hopefully we can get to this place even after we've confronted the wrongs AND righted them!
"The Greatest of warriors, sat around with the people, to share about the battles - the victories and the defeats. They spent time talking and training others to face the trying times to come... they shared their experience, hope, and faith and belief in a better life. And hoped for no more war."
Let's pray for this always... and still stand up for a better way.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Secrets Keep Mistrust Strong- Faith Makes or Breaks It!
How do we break the cycle of mistrust? Do I as a helper or guide, say anything of my secrets? Do I as a helper share my secrets and how I got them out in the open and how I got free of the shame of being a part of that or those secrets? Do I as a client or guide, ask what were your secrets and how did you get free of the affects of them?
It is a tough situation to be in when you need to hide your "troublesome" secrets... secrets that don't have to be of a sexual nature either. It is a difficult situation when, you need to get free of the affects of secrets... secrets can just be conditioning to accept certain, family if origin ways, or they can be outright acts of similar or even more deviant behavior than you were subjected to.
To rid oneself of the imprisonment of those labeled- "dirty / bad" little secrets, takes an enormous amount of faith and energy. I see that we, as guides or seekers. helpers or clients, must first have a belief in the process of healing... there is also the acknowledgement that we have the agreement of allowing for the capacity of the expression of the emotional energy around the secret. We also must say,
"I've had enough AND can you help me AND I will let you help me!"
Faith in the Pipe and the sacred ways are for strengthening our walk, our person... when we actually engage in the work, in the process of change, of talking and feeling and dealing with the secrets... Where we put things into perspective and come away empowered - NOT DEPENDANT - on the other... but honestly supported, to stand as a sacred individual, with free will to make healthier choices for days to come... and to be willing to choose healthy and well people into your new family of choice!
I see that we can be free and that we have the power to make these incredible changes from within... change how we were conditioned in whatever way it was done... where we took upon our self - the shame - of another and became so confused - that we kept the secret and kept the affects of silence - as a way of having control and power. So sad, if you are a helper, or parent, or leader, endeavoring to take people out of their difficulties.
Let's make trust in our self first and thereby, trust the process... trust the sacred ways, to protect us all, including those who come to us for life and freedom and help.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related.
Who Goes To Jail? Who's really - in a JAIL!
Sadly, there are those people... people who are willing to act-as-if they are able - qualified, competent caregivers / workers to take care of the severely disadvantaged, high-risk victims and victimizers of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. You know that disturbing "born-with", usually invisible disease, that condemns a person to a troubled life, where they are not be able to deal normal life... especially if they have been born into a dysfunctional family or environmental where life is NOT done in a healthy processing way. Or even worse - they were subjected to abuse beyond your imagination!
People with this born-disorder, have a lot of difficulty overcoming original hurts and pains... difficulty in handling any structure for instituting healthy behavior modification through structured living conditions which are necessary for them to un-learn un-healthy sexuality and for overcoming those overpowering, overwhelming "normal" results from violent upbringing or abandonment issues or disconnection from spiritual or cultural beliefs and identity... you know the ones we purport to have about how "God and Creation is Real and you are worth it all!"!!!
People, who are "NOT healthy"
who are un-consciously, yet, intentionally, taking on "jobs" and doing a service work that ends up, ultimately causing more damage than they realize! And they don't stick around to see the effects they have contributed to.
It is too bad! Never mind the nice, good intentions of anyone... for these people, who are so unrealistic, even irresponsible, to the point of succumbing to the all-to-often ignored, yet, convenient shame induced dishonesty... dishonest about their own troubles - inabilities because of their disturbed distressed life and the circumstances that inhibit their ability in "helping" these
FADS severely disadvantaged, at-risk victims of
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
It is so sad to hear about this - isn't it? And I am sad.
I was asked to help one person with
FADS by one person of the helping group. I was asked to come to help as an elder... to help the afflicted person connect to "OUR INDIAN WAYS" because he was part
Indian. I went. with an open heart and I offered to help the helpers after I saw what was happening to everyone involved. Even though I was asked to join... It became evident that they really didn't want my help... in the end, I offered to help the helpers, because I recognized their troubled state... their dysfunction.
I cannot pretend that this is not angering, as well as sad for me... I can't and won't. As a Sundancer, as a human being as a helper - psychotherapist, I am determined to make sense of this atrocity.
It is scary, as well, because the ones who suffer from
FADS, are not being helped conscientiously - with the true spirit of Creator... this on went to jail. And now he is thrown away and he is once again let down. People like this will not always be able to be kept in jail... they will get out and they will attach themselves to someone in a dysfunctional way and they will act "out" in their "normal" way and who knows what they will do.
The person affected by
FADS needs true care, real care, totally healthy care... care beyond the kind that the good-intentioned, but stressed out person or group of people gives... people who have connections to the authorities
and use this to acquire needy people.
I wish to ask for your prayers for energy to get rid of the affects of dysfunction in your life! I can see that it begins with me - can you?
The process of helping must begin within us as helpers. No matter what place we work or live, we have a responsibility to provide healthy, relevant help, care and supervision for FADS people... for this matter - ALL PEOPLE, including our self.
Wakan Tanka, I pray for strength to speak my heart and mind in the good way... with balance and harmony with all... and to stand up as a Sundancer, for what is right... regardless of their color, race or faith base. Help me Tunkashilas... I am in need of the energy to have clarity, to love beyond the confines of this societies present stranglehold on those who suffer. I stand committed to do life in the way I pledged to you before the sun.
As a human being I pray for this person with FADS, who suffers even more with unhealthy people / helpers. I pray, he receives people who can fulfill his needs... who can and will provide the love, help... truth and justice... that are rightfully his - ALL OF OURS!
He sits in a physical jail right now... Yet the same one that unhealthy helpers sit in
in their own minds, their dysfunctional situations, that they know they are in.
PRAY FOR ME.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related
Spirit-warrior Way is only strengthened by the original intent of spirit in and of the traditional values and teachings of my people. It is my hope that by sharing my heart and spirit, that I might stir yours. I wish for you to have the desire to be open to look deeper, to change - to challenge - to chance with safety. To gain ultimate freedom from life's daily torments, trials and tribulations. I can assist you to be more with your true self and for you to assist someone else to do this. It is my wish that you come to be more compassionate with yourself and others and be effective and successful in your life. This quest for healthiness and understanding spans all aspects of life... from the work place to family life.
Spirit-Warrior Way is a system of helping, I do not profess to healing anyone, that is the Great Spirits power... what I do is share my life... my
energy and my spirit in this process.
The purpose of this site is to offer a "new" progressive system or way of making truly relevant change and to revitalized those who help and hope to get the help and support they need to become free of hurt, pain, loneliness, losses, violence, crime and other painful
distressing situations.
Through Spirit-Warrior Way you will develop the capacity to better serve others and self with love and nurturing.
To stand up for, to and with, those: we parent, teach, therapute, help, or support as friends, neighbors, coworkers. It is my hope we can do all this and make our homes, communities and this world a better place.
Our original way of life was simple:
To accept and encourage all people, not judge.
to be an active, functional part of the tribe or society.
to teach and model for others
to support and nurture (love) in healthy non-sexualizing ways.
And in doing so... we honor them and oneself and the community and our ancestors.
Our e-mail address is info@spiritwarrior.ca